Ok. People in relationships compromise on their preferences all the time. They do things to make their partner happy, which they wouldn’t do if their partner didn’t want to do it. Why is sex an area where any suggestion of compromise and having more sex than one would otherwise prefer is considered treating the less amorous partner as a “a vending machine”?
This is a way in which people compromise in relationships all the time. Plenty of couples have sex more than one partner wants, because the other partner pressures them into it. There’s a big difference between this and a situation where one partner, knowing that the other partner wants it, still says no, and the other partner forces sex anyway. But that being said, couples that need to compromise a lot on things that are important to them tend to be considerably less happy together than ones who agree on the matters that are important to them, and a high degree of sexual compromise isn’t a healthy sign for a relationship.
Again, this looks like you’re trying to school someone (this time me) on the issue of consent.
You wrote:
There’s a big difference between this and a situation where one partner, knowing that the other partner wants it, still says no, and the other partner forces sex anyway.
Yes. Big difference. Has anyone here suggested otherwise? Why did you feel the need to share something which I think is obvious to everyone here?
high degree of sexual compromise isn’t a healthy sign for a relationship.
Indeed. Which implies that incompatible sexual preferences isn’t a healthy sign for a relationship, so that waiting until you’re married to check for sexual compatibility is probably not a great plan.
As one rather popular post (which I’d take the time to dig up, but my computer is suffering some pretty serious lag at the moment) suggests, it’s often worthwhile to make things explicit even if they may appear obvious. The part of my comment which is addressing your comment is the part where I state that, contrary to your implication, compromising on frequency of sex is a standard and widely tolerated component of relationships. That this does not entail that compromising on the necessity of consent is acceptable is probably an obvious corollary, but I thought it better to disclaim it than not.
compromising on frequency of sex is a standard and widely tolerated component of relationships.
Yes, I believe that’s true as well. Yet a suggestion that a woman might do that in a case where her male partner wants more sex than she does meets with hostility and insinuations of rape.
This is a way in which people compromise in relationships all the time. Plenty of couples have sex more than one partner wants, because the other partner pressures them into it. There’s a big difference between this and a situation where one partner, knowing that the other partner wants it, still says no, and the other partner forces sex anyway. But that being said, couples that need to compromise a lot on things that are important to them tend to be considerably less happy together than ones who agree on the matters that are important to them, and a high degree of sexual compromise isn’t a healthy sign for a relationship.
I wrote:
You wrote:
Yes. Big difference. Has anyone here suggested otherwise? Why did you feel the need to share something which I think is obvious to everyone here?
Indeed. Which implies that incompatible sexual preferences isn’t a healthy sign for a relationship, so that waiting until you’re married to check for sexual compatibility is probably not a great plan.
As one rather popular post (which I’d take the time to dig up, but my computer is suffering some pretty serious lag at the moment) suggests, it’s often worthwhile to make things explicit even if they may appear obvious. The part of my comment which is addressing your comment is the part where I state that, contrary to your implication, compromising on frequency of sex is a standard and widely tolerated component of relationships. That this does not entail that compromising on the necessity of consent is acceptable is probably an obvious corollary, but I thought it better to disclaim it than not.
Yes, I believe that’s true as well. Yet a suggestion that a woman might do that in a case where her male partner wants more sex than she does meets with hostility and insinuations of rape.