Would you say that the ultimate purpose of wanting monogamy is still for the object-level “because I don’t want my partner to behave in that way”? Or has it transcended that completely? Perhaps “Well, this is just how relationships work, to my mind, and I don’t want to change that; and meanwhile, given that this is how my current relationship works, that is a framework by which I’ll judge my partner’s behavior”? Perhaps even “I don’t care about the behavior itself at all anymore [apart from direct causal effects like STDs], but people with the monogamy module usually have better self-control, maturity, and other desirable qualities, so I’m happy to stick with it and consciously endorse that strategy”?
I...am honestly not sure. Probably mix of all? But i see the “probably not a dealbreaker” category as in the nature of “we all sometimes hurt each other, this hurts a lot, but it doesn’t necessarily outweigh all the good years and forgiveness is possible”—not like it doesn’t matter
I see, that makes sense.
Would you say that the ultimate purpose of wanting monogamy is still for the object-level “because I don’t want my partner to behave in that way”? Or has it transcended that completely? Perhaps “Well, this is just how relationships work, to my mind, and I don’t want to change that; and meanwhile, given that this is how my current relationship works, that is a framework by which I’ll judge my partner’s behavior”? Perhaps even “I don’t care about the behavior itself at all anymore [apart from direct causal effects like STDs], but people with the monogamy module usually have better self-control, maturity, and other desirable qualities, so I’m happy to stick with it and consciously endorse that strategy”?
I...am honestly not sure. Probably mix of all? But i see the “probably not a dealbreaker” category as in the nature of “we all sometimes hurt each other, this hurts a lot, but it doesn’t necessarily outweigh all the good years and forgiveness is possible”—not like it doesn’t matter