There are many variations on a joke the goes like this:
A physicist, engineer, and mathematician are each captured by Omega and placed in sealed rooms with canned food, but no can openers. The physicist sketches the can and derives where the weakest point is, strikes the can, and opens it. The engineer looks up the weak points of the can in a table of cans, strikes it at the appropriate place, and opens it. The mathematician is found later, nearly starved, mumbling “assume the can is open!”
Suggesting “Why don’t you just leave” is like suggesting “assume the can is open.” The problem is getting to a point where leaving is viable (mentally, emotionally, etc.).
I don’t mean to say it’s impossible to “get it,” but that you, me, and most counselors who are in a situation to professionally assist people probably don’t.
The situation with abusive relationships is not analogous to the joke because it is not obvious to people who ask, why there would be such barriers to leaving a relationship (i.e. why such an assumption would be unjustifiable). People who ask “why don’t you leave” are typically not aware of the usual barriers, nor do they have any reason to be aware of those barriers.
Furthermore, the question often comes up in cases where one party did leave, but kept coming back. So no, I don’t see how the joke is helpful or how it shows poor assumptions.
There are many variations on a joke the goes like this:
Suggesting “Why don’t you just leave” is like suggesting “assume the can is open.” The problem is getting to a point where leaving is viable (mentally, emotionally, etc.).
I don’t mean to say it’s impossible to “get it,” but that you, me, and most counselors who are in a situation to professionally assist people probably don’t.
The situation with abusive relationships is not analogous to the joke because it is not obvious to people who ask, why there would be such barriers to leaving a relationship (i.e. why such an assumption would be unjustifiable). People who ask “why don’t you leave” are typically not aware of the usual barriers, nor do they have any reason to be aware of those barriers.
Furthermore, the question often comes up in cases where one party did leave, but kept coming back. So no, I don’t see how the joke is helpful or how it shows poor assumptions.