The main goal is just to write more, and to lower my bar on what’s writing- and publishing-worthy.
That was achieved. I ought to feel proud of myself, but right now I just feel numb.
My motivation was in a way a mix of all four categories, the division between them quite unclear. I don’t think it was so much about writing, though, and more about expressing ideas. I want to be the kind of person who is known for having the kind of ideas I do have. And on the object level, I want those ideas to be known and discussed about. Writing is just the form in which ideas are supposed to be communicated, when aiming for clarity. That mostly covers B and D. The blog was also a good conversation-starter, too, and allowed me for a moment to define myself to others as a blogger instead of a tech worker. There’s certainly some self-image (C) aspects to this too, but it’s less prominent.
But especially in the beginning I also wanted to try writing to know whether I wanted it. I’m quite prone to expecting every new thing to feel awful, so trying things regardless is necessary. Eighty or so hours is not that steep of a price to pay for figuring that out. I rarely stick on things for such a long time, and when halfway through I was feeling that this makes no sense, I recognized that I was about to give up because it was hard, not because I disliked it.
I would gladly exchange my current work for writing texts like these, if I didn’t think money and issue and there was some external motivator making me do it. But currently quitting my job to write seems unwise; I’d just spent the freed up time on some form of mindless time wasting instead. I was hoping to change that view of myself by doing this, but alas. Truthseeking doesn’t cure depression; the cause and effect are intertwined.
Don’t be sorry. While I didn’t like it, it was worth it; no question about that. In the intro post on the 1st, I wrote:
That was achieved. I ought to feel proud of myself, but right now I just feel numb.
My motivation was in a way a mix of all four categories, the division between them quite unclear. I don’t think it was so much about writing, though, and more about expressing ideas. I want to be the kind of person who is known for having the kind of ideas I do have. And on the object level, I want those ideas to be known and discussed about. Writing is just the form in which ideas are supposed to be communicated, when aiming for clarity. That mostly covers B and D. The blog was also a good conversation-starter, too, and allowed me for a moment to define myself to others as a blogger instead of a tech worker. There’s certainly some self-image (C) aspects to this too, but it’s less prominent.
But especially in the beginning I also wanted to try writing to know whether I wanted it. I’m quite prone to expecting every new thing to feel awful, so trying things regardless is necessary. Eighty or so hours is not that steep of a price to pay for figuring that out. I rarely stick on things for such a long time, and when halfway through I was feeling that this makes no sense, I recognized that I was about to give up because it was hard, not because I disliked it.
I would gladly exchange my current work for writing texts like these, if I didn’t think money and issue and there was some external motivator making me do it. But currently quitting my job to write seems unwise; I’d just spent the freed up time on some form of mindless time wasting instead. I was hoping to change that view of myself by doing this, but alas. Truthseeking doesn’t cure depression; the cause and effect are intertwined.