Yeah, this is slightly annoying that we have this idiom. And unfortunately people sometimes take an expression of sympathy said as “I’m sorry” as an apology which makes them respond to what you literally said rather than the intent, sort of like if you said “bless you” after someone sneezed and they asked “oh, are you a priest?” or “no thanks, I’m an atheist”.
I think the intent of “I’m sorry” here is to say “I regret this is happening to you” along with some combination of “I feel sorrow at hearing this new”. Still, it’s confusing.
My general policy is to try to avoid saying “I’m sorry” to mean “I sympathize with you” and go for something more direct like “that sucks” or “oh no” or just a wordless expression of sympathy through body language, although sometimes I say it anyway. Language is tough sometimes!
I’ve made it a point to build up a set of phrases that allow me to express sympathy, and which have the advantage of being clearly visible expressions, rather than hollow tokens.
For example: “Your mom got cancer? That’s a bad deal. Make it a point to spend as much time with her as you can. What can I do to help?”
“I’m sorry” is often used as an expression of sympathy—no relation to any apology.
Them: “My mom got cancer”
You: “I’m so sorry!”
(sorry for them, not sorry for anything you did)
Yeah, this is slightly annoying that we have this idiom. And unfortunately people sometimes take an expression of sympathy said as “I’m sorry” as an apology which makes them respond to what you literally said rather than the intent, sort of like if you said “bless you” after someone sneezed and they asked “oh, are you a priest?” or “no thanks, I’m an atheist”.
I think the intent of “I’m sorry” here is to say “I regret this is happening to you” along with some combination of “I feel sorrow at hearing this new”. Still, it’s confusing.
My general policy is to try to avoid saying “I’m sorry” to mean “I sympathize with you” and go for something more direct like “that sucks” or “oh no” or just a wordless expression of sympathy through body language, although sometimes I say it anyway. Language is tough sometimes!
You’re right, that didn’t occur to me to mention. (My native language separate idioms for that use.)
I’ve made it a point to build up a set of phrases that allow me to express sympathy, and which have the advantage of being clearly visible expressions, rather than hollow tokens.
For example: “Your mom got cancer? That’s a bad deal. Make it a point to spend as much time with her as you can. What can I do to help?”