How do you get someone to understand your words as they are, denotatively—so that they do not overly-emphasize (non-existent) hidden connotations?
Of course, you should choose your words carefully, taking into account how they may be (mis)interpreted, but you can’t always tie yourself into knots forestalling every possible guess about what intentions “really” are.
Establish a strong social script regarding instances where words should be taken denotatively, e.g. Crocker’s rules. I don’t think any other obvious strategies work. Hidden connotations exist whether you want them to or not.
(non-existent)
This is the wrong attitude about how communication works. What matters is not what you intended to communicate but what actually gets communicated. The person you’re communicating with is performing a Bayesian update on the words that are coming out of your mouth to figure out what’s actually going on, and it’s your job to provide the Bayesian evidence that actually corresponds to the update you want.
Become more status conscious. You are most likely inadvertently saying things that sound like status moves, which prompts others to not take what you say at face value. I haven’t figured out how to fix this completely, but I have gotten better at noticing it and sometimes preempting it.
I wish I could upvote this question more. People assuming that I meant more than exactly what I said drives me up the wall, and I don’t know how to deal with it either. (but Qiaochu’s response below is good)
The most common failure mode I’ve experienced is the assumption that believing equals endorsing. One of the gratifying aspects of participating here is not having to deal with that; pretty much everyone on LW is inoculated.
Be cautious, the vast majority do not make strict demarcation between normative and positive statements inside their head. Figuring this out massively improved my models of other people.
How do you get someone to understand your words as they are, denotatively—so that they do not overly-emphasize (non-existent) hidden connotations?
Of course, you should choose your words carefully, taking into account how they may be (mis)interpreted, but you can’t always tie yourself into knots forestalling every possible guess about what intentions “really” are.
Establish a strong social script regarding instances where words should be taken denotatively, e.g. Crocker’s rules. I don’t think any other obvious strategies work. Hidden connotations exist whether you want them to or not.
This is the wrong attitude about how communication works. What matters is not what you intended to communicate but what actually gets communicated. The person you’re communicating with is performing a Bayesian update on the words that are coming out of your mouth to figure out what’s actually going on, and it’s your job to provide the Bayesian evidence that actually corresponds to the update you want.
Become more status conscious. You are most likely inadvertently saying things that sound like status moves, which prompts others to not take what you say at face value. I haven’t figured out how to fix this completely, but I have gotten better at noticing it and sometimes preempting it.
I wish I could upvote this question more. People assuming that I meant more than exactly what I said drives me up the wall, and I don’t know how to deal with it either. (but Qiaochu’s response below is good)
The most common failure mode I’ve experienced is the assumption that believing equals endorsing. One of the gratifying aspects of participating here is not having to deal with that; pretty much everyone on LW is inoculated.
Be cautious, the vast majority do not make strict demarcation between normative and positive statements inside their head. Figuring this out massively improved my models of other people.
That makes life difficult when I want to say “X is true (but not necessarily good)”
For example, your statement is true but I’m not terribly happy about it. ;-)