As someone who has been “trapped” in dozens of conversations with someone seemingly nice but uninteresting it’s surprisingly hard to straight up tell someone you don’t want to talk to them. I
Exactly. I would be far more ok with a social norm that condoned introducing oneself to (and starting conversations with) people on plans if there was also a social norm that condoned saying “I don’t want to talk to you. Kindly go away and leave me alone.” Current social norms regard this as rude. (I take it our esteemed extrovert colleagues see the problem here.)
Datapoint: I don’t care for Achmiz’s hostility but I do agree with his point here. There is no polite way to explicitly tell someone you don’t want to communicate. This is a bug that should be fixed. It harms both parties; the silent one can’t indicate that without paying a social cost, and the talkative one can’t really be sure they’re not annoying their counterpart.
(it is possible the talkative one doesn’t actually care if they’re annoying their counterpart. If so, fuck them.)
As someone who has been “trapped” in dozens of conversations with someone seemingly nice but uninteresting it’s surprisingly hard to straight up tell someone you don’t want to talk to them. I
Exactly. I would be far more ok with a social norm that condoned introducing oneself to (and starting conversations with) people on plans if there was also a social norm that condoned saying “I don’t want to talk to you. Kindly go away and leave me alone.” Current social norms regard this as rude. (I take it our esteemed extrovert colleagues see the problem here.)
Datapoint: I don’t care for Achmiz’s hostility but I do agree with his point here. There is no polite way to explicitly tell someone you don’t want to communicate. This is a bug that should be fixed. It harms both parties; the silent one can’t indicate that without paying a social cost, and the talkative one can’t really be sure they’re not annoying their counterpart.
(it is possible the talkative one doesn’t actually care if they’re annoying their counterpart. If so, fuck them.)