It is pretty easy to indicate that you don’t want to engage—just don’t engage.
If someone asks you a question you don’t want to answer, just don’t answer.
I would rather live in a world where people tried to be social & friendly to one another than one in which people censored themselves in an effort not to offend people.
Very much this. Here’s an excellent essay on the subject of “lullaby words”, of which “just” is one. (The author suggests mentally replacing “just” with “have a lot of trouble to” in such formulations.)
it’s not a question of a “world” where this happens, it’s a question of a subset of the world where you’re forced by circumstance to be very close to a person for very many hours. That’s kind of like saying “I don’t want to live in a world where you can’t stretch your arms out without being considered rude.” Yes that world would suck, but we’re talking about a frigging airplane.
I get that, but my point stands that while you’re forced to be very close to them, you’re not forced to talk to them. You could even make up an excuse for not wanting to talk. For example, “Sorry, I don’t want to chat right now, I’m going to try to take a nap” or “Sorry, I don’t want to chat right now, I’m going to put my headphones on & listen to some music”. This isn’t Clockwork Orange where he’s forcing your eyelids open.
Making up excuses in such a situation is widely seen as rude. If you tell them something like “I’m going to try to take a nap,” and do not proceed to take a nap, or at least fake one, you’re liable to give offense.
In a situation like this, I would very likely be taking the time to think, and telling someone that you want to think instead of talk to them is widely viewed as rude because it privileges your thoughts over their company.
Yes your examples of phrases to say make it WAY easier to talk to strangers, and totally get rid of any awkwardness or anxiety someone might feel. I’m glad you solved this problem! You clearly have a wonderful understanding of folks with brains different from yours, and a lot of empathy for how they feel.
Your acerbic & condescending posts make it clear you also have a wonderful understanding of folks with brains different than yours & a lot of empathy for how they feel.
I would encourage other LWers to do as I have done and help downvote the parent and grandparent of this comment into oblivion, which is what both deserve for turning a discussion about how to be considerate of others into a personal flamewar.
It is pretty easy to indicate that you don’t want to engage—just don’t engage. If someone asks you a question you don’t want to answer, just don’t answer. I would rather live in a world where people tried to be social & friendly to one another than one in which people censored themselves in an effort not to offend people.
In general, if you suggest a course of action to others that includes the word “just”, you may be doing it wrong.
Very much this. Here’s an excellent essay on the subject of “lullaby words”, of which “just” is one. (The author suggests mentally replacing “just” with “have a lot of trouble to” in such formulations.)
Excellent essay. I strongly recommend it.
In addition to “just”, it goes after “soon”, “very soon”, “should”, “all”, “only”, “anything”, and “all I gotta do”.
it’s not a question of a “world” where this happens, it’s a question of a subset of the world where you’re forced by circumstance to be very close to a person for very many hours. That’s kind of like saying “I don’t want to live in a world where you can’t stretch your arms out without being considered rude.” Yes that world would suck, but we’re talking about a frigging airplane.
I get that, but my point stands that while you’re forced to be very close to them, you’re not forced to talk to them. You could even make up an excuse for not wanting to talk. For example, “Sorry, I don’t want to chat right now, I’m going to try to take a nap” or “Sorry, I don’t want to chat right now, I’m going to put my headphones on & listen to some music”. This isn’t Clockwork Orange where he’s forcing your eyelids open.
Making up excuses in such a situation is widely seen as rude. If you tell them something like “I’m going to try to take a nap,” and do not proceed to take a nap, or at least fake one, you’re liable to give offense.
In a situation like this, I would very likely be taking the time to think, and telling someone that you want to think instead of talk to them is widely viewed as rude because it privileges your thoughts over their company.
Yes your examples of phrases to say make it WAY easier to talk to strangers, and totally get rid of any awkwardness or anxiety someone might feel. I’m glad you solved this problem! You clearly have a wonderful understanding of folks with brains different from yours, and a lot of empathy for how they feel.
Your acerbic & condescending posts make it clear you also have a wonderful understanding of folks with brains different than yours & a lot of empathy for how they feel.
I would encourage other LWers to do as I have done and help downvote the parent and grandparent of this comment into oblivion, which is what both deserve for turning a discussion about how to be considerate of others into a personal flamewar.