That’s an interesting point, because it goes back to intent.
If communication happens in good faith or not actually matters. Not everyone has the same epistemic functions or range of meta-cognition.
Relationships often suffer from misread intentions combined with reasoning gaps.
Example: If you can clearly see a bad consequence down the road that your partner cannot, you want to get mad at your partner when your partner triggers it by naively doing something that seems wise/acceptable in the moment.
Now, you can update, and realize your partners limitation. But your partner cannot, without just trusting you. So, if you fail to take an action and your partner quite literally cannot see why, your partner gets mad.
This is complicated further by the fact that you of course have different goals and put different emphasis on certain outcomes.
So, the thing you might end up doing, is working on your relationship itself by vibes and reframing and connecting, instead of mending/merging your utility functions. You bypass epistemics and focus on connection.
I notice that a lot of these are in common with abusive relationship behaviors.
That’s an interesting point, because it goes back to intent.
If communication happens in good faith or not actually matters. Not everyone has the same epistemic functions or range of meta-cognition.
Relationships often suffer from misread intentions combined with reasoning gaps.
Example: If you can clearly see a bad consequence down the road that your partner cannot, you want to get mad at your partner when your partner triggers it by naively doing something that seems wise/acceptable in the moment.
Now, you can update, and realize your partners limitation. But your partner cannot, without just trusting you. So, if you fail to take an action and your partner quite literally cannot see why, your partner gets mad.
This is complicated further by the fact that you of course have different goals and put different emphasis on certain outcomes.
So, the thing you might end up doing, is working on your relationship itself by vibes and reframing and connecting, instead of mending/merging your utility functions. You bypass epistemics and focus on connection.
It only works if both are on board.