Sorry, I didn’t mean that to be what you took from it.
I used to be fat. ( I still am, but not nearly to the same extent) Like, Jabba fat. My parents got doctors to say that I had an eating disorder, and maybe I did.
Othering my appetite never helped me. Like “I have an eating disorder” focused my energy on something (my disorder) that didn’t have a mind. It couldn’t get tired, or bored...it didn’t exist. It’s like “fighting” cancer.
But that doesn’t mean that what worked was thinking “I’m a glutton”.
When you say that “I am a dumb person”, it isn’t any closer to a thought you can act on. Kicking yourself when you are down feels good (or, at least, it did for me), it feels like “paying” for the behavior, but that’s just thoughts. It doesn’t actually change stuff.
I was shooting for more “I am a person who had unprotected sex with sketchy folks at place X”. That feels, ‘actionable’, if you will, to me. Like, if the problem is a sex addiction, I dunno what the solution is. If the problem is being a dumb person, I dunno what the solution is. But if the problem is going to a place and doing stuff, there are a bunch of solutions.
1: Carry protection, everywhere. Put it in something that you carry everywhere (wallet, little thingy on your car keys, cell phone case, whatever). If you ever screw someone sketchy, make sure you take it out and use it. If they aren’t willing, maybe that’s a spur to reconsider?
2: Enlist the help of the dudes who run the place. Tell them if they see you there, you will give them ten thousand dollars, or however much money would sting. Ask them, as friends, to kick you out. Tell them you have leprosy. Whatever words you have to say to make sure you aren’t welcome back there.
3: If this place is pay to play, then ration your funds. Each morning put exactly as much cash as you’ll need that day in your wallet, and don’t carry a credit card.
I don’t know if any of these could work for you, but something similar might. A behavior that you don’t want to repeat can always be made more inconvenient. That’s what helped me out with eating too much. I hope that you can do a similar thing to get yourself a different habit.
Sorry, I didn’t mean that to be what you took from it.
I used to be fat. ( I still am, but not nearly to the same extent) Like, Jabba fat. My parents got doctors to say that I had an eating disorder, and maybe I did.
Othering my appetite never helped me. Like “I have an eating disorder” focused my energy on something (my disorder) that didn’t have a mind. It couldn’t get tired, or bored...it didn’t exist. It’s like “fighting” cancer.
But that doesn’t mean that what worked was thinking “I’m a glutton”.
When you say that “I am a dumb person”, it isn’t any closer to a thought you can act on. Kicking yourself when you are down feels good (or, at least, it did for me), it feels like “paying” for the behavior, but that’s just thoughts. It doesn’t actually change stuff.
I was shooting for more “I am a person who had unprotected sex with sketchy folks at place X”. That feels, ‘actionable’, if you will, to me. Like, if the problem is a sex addiction, I dunno what the solution is. If the problem is being a dumb person, I dunno what the solution is. But if the problem is going to a place and doing stuff, there are a bunch of solutions.
1: Carry protection, everywhere. Put it in something that you carry everywhere (wallet, little thingy on your car keys, cell phone case, whatever). If you ever screw someone sketchy, make sure you take it out and use it. If they aren’t willing, maybe that’s a spur to reconsider?
2: Enlist the help of the dudes who run the place. Tell them if they see you there, you will give them ten thousand dollars, or however much money would sting. Ask them, as friends, to kick you out. Tell them you have leprosy. Whatever words you have to say to make sure you aren’t welcome back there.
3: If this place is pay to play, then ration your funds. Each morning put exactly as much cash as you’ll need that day in your wallet, and don’t carry a credit card.
I don’t know if any of these could work for you, but something similar might. A behavior that you don’t want to repeat can always be made more inconvenient. That’s what helped me out with eating too much. I hope that you can do a similar thing to get yourself a different habit.