I agree that the immediate consequences of lying are sometimes better than telling the truth, however, one big problem is lying then having to tell the truth later or lying then getting caught. The more complex the lie, the bigger the risk. The social conventions surrounding lying—feel free to lie, accept other people’s right to lie, the guess culture (don’t make your desires and feelings explicit) - are a good solution to interacting with strangers since under those conventions, no one is making and effort to detect your lies. This is useful when you don’t know how sensitive someone is so you need a strategy for dealing with them without treading on their toes.
I admit I don’t have much of a justification for this but the idea of such a social norm within a romantic relationship makes me go Ugh. I’m okay with someone telling me “I don’t want to talk about it” in fact I wish that most people were receptive to that. But the idea of someone I trust lying whenever its more convenient than telling the truth does not sit well with me. But perhaps I’m just being unreasonable.
But the idea of someone I trust lying whenever its more convenient than telling the truth does not sit well with me. But perhaps I’m just being unreasonable.
I suggest you explore the concept of trust on a less binary basis. Trust makes no sense to me unless it has some kind of a rough probability estimate attached to it. Different truths have different probabilities and different moral weights.
True, but it is also true that you can’t somebody on certain matters if they are willing to tell you white lies. It’s better to try and hang around more honest types so you can learn to cope with the truth better.
I actually prefer the honest types, but don’t judge normal people either. This preference is of minor importance. In most situations I can’t choose who to interact with and being stubborn about it won’t help.
I agree that the immediate consequences of lying are sometimes better than telling the truth, however, one big problem is lying then having to tell the truth later or lying then getting caught. The more complex the lie, the bigger the risk. The social conventions surrounding lying—feel free to lie, accept other people’s right to lie, the guess culture (don’t make your desires and feelings explicit) - are a good solution to interacting with strangers since under those conventions, no one is making and effort to detect your lies. This is useful when you don’t know how sensitive someone is so you need a strategy for dealing with them without treading on their toes.
I admit I don’t have much of a justification for this but the idea of such a social norm within a romantic relationship makes me go Ugh. I’m okay with someone telling me “I don’t want to talk about it” in fact I wish that most people were receptive to that. But the idea of someone I trust lying whenever its more convenient than telling the truth does not sit well with me. But perhaps I’m just being unreasonable.
I suggest you explore the concept of trust on a less binary basis. Trust makes no sense to me unless it has some kind of a rough probability estimate attached to it. Different truths have different probabilities and different moral weights.
True, but it is also true that you can’t somebody on certain matters if they are willing to tell you white lies. It’s better to try and hang around more honest types so you can learn to cope with the truth better.
I actually prefer the honest types, but don’t judge normal people either. This preference is of minor importance. In most situations I can’t choose who to interact with and being stubborn about it won’t help.