1 I would say “Marrying the wrong person,” but phrased that way, it’s not really useful as a warning.* So let’s go with “Marrying for the wrong reasons (e.g. because then low self-esteem and limited prior success with the opposite sex led me to settle far too quickly despite what should have been obvious warning signs). The emotional and financial consequences were catastrophic—a lost decade of life, basically, And due having to children, another decade of not completely being able to escape their malign influence even after divorce.
*The more specific form “Not realizing I was marrying a borderline may be somewhat more useful. I know I’ve seen other Lesswrongers talk about similar issues, though I think they escaped before marriage and children.
2 Not actually doing any networking in college/grad school despite attending very prestigious institutions (due to introversion and cluelessness about the usefulness of this)
3 Not doing anything to deal with social anxiety much earlier, thus missing out on so many different opportunities.
In fairness to me, I’m older than the median LWer, and the Internet was a lot less helpful for finding the answers to life problems then than it is now.
Not unlike habit formation, a significant part of this ultimately comes down to repeatedly telling yourself, “I am not going to be the kind of person who freezes up in social situations” until you eventually alieve it.
This may actually require going to parties or other crowded situations and just standing around quietly the first few times. (As someone else once recommended on LW, working out is good in conjunction with this—people are more accepting of the strong silent type.) Sooner or later, you’ll luck into hearing a conversation you can’t help but contribute your two cents to.
Additionally, for me personally, OKCupid has been a huge blessing. I have much easier time approaching the opposite sex in writing than in person. But once you’ve done it in writing enough times, doing it in person seems much less intimidating.
1 I would say “Marrying the wrong person,” but phrased that way, it’s not really useful as a warning.* So let’s go with “Marrying for the wrong reasons (e.g. because then low self-esteem and limited prior success with the opposite sex led me to settle far too quickly despite what should have been obvious warning signs). The emotional and financial consequences were catastrophic—a lost decade of life, basically, And due having to children, another decade of not completely being able to escape their malign influence even after divorce.
*The more specific form “Not realizing I was marrying a borderline may be somewhat more useful. I know I’ve seen other Lesswrongers talk about similar issues, though I think they escaped before marriage and children.
2 Not actually doing any networking in college/grad school despite attending very prestigious institutions (due to introversion and cluelessness about the usefulness of this)
3 Not doing anything to deal with social anxiety much earlier, thus missing out on so many different opportunities.
In fairness to me, I’m older than the median LWer, and the Internet was a lot less helpful for finding the answers to life problems then than it is now.
What did you do to deal?
Not unlike habit formation, a significant part of this ultimately comes down to repeatedly telling yourself, “I am not going to be the kind of person who freezes up in social situations” until you eventually alieve it.
This may actually require going to parties or other crowded situations and just standing around quietly the first few times. (As someone else once recommended on LW, working out is good in conjunction with this—people are more accepting of the strong silent type.) Sooner or later, you’ll luck into hearing a conversation you can’t help but contribute your two cents to.
Additionally, for me personally, OKCupid has been a huge blessing. I have much easier time approaching the opposite sex in writing than in person. But once you’ve done it in writing enough times, doing it in person seems much less intimidating.