I’m going to attempt the exercise of turning “Don’t dominate conversations” into something that you can train yourself to do on the 5-second level.
I count the number of active (or would-be active) members of a conversation and convert that into a rough percentage that I can hold in my mind quite easily. Three people = 33%, Four people = 25% and so on.
I keep an approximate running guess of the percentage of the conversation time where I was speaking (no more accurate than an amateur card counter in Blackjack needs to be) and use it to guide my behaviour when I want to contribute something.
If I’m over the 33% in a 3-person conversation (especially if it’s by a lot) then it is now time to dedicate myself to listening to others and letting others respond (even if I’m dying to say something in response myself) and wait until I’m reasonably certain that I’m under or close to the 33% before I jump back in. Heck, I might even interrupt someone(!)
I’m not sure this is actually the best way to relate to conversations, but I do think at least tracking how much proportion of the conversation you’re speaking is important so you can make some kind of deliberate choice about it.
I think there are some situations where it is better to either follow an exciting conversation thread, or withdraw more fully.
I think in practice this doesn’t mean (usually) taking up more than 50% of a conversation time – if an exciting conversation thread is happening, there’s usually at least two participants talking, and it’s good to notice when you’re not actually having a conversation, you’re just monologuing,
I’m going to attempt the exercise of turning “Don’t dominate conversations” into something that you can train yourself to do on the 5-second level.
I count the number of active (or would-be active) members of a conversation and convert that into a rough percentage that I can hold in my mind quite easily. Three people = 33%, Four people = 25% and so on.
I keep an approximate running guess of the percentage of the conversation time where I was speaking (no more accurate than an amateur card counter in Blackjack needs to be) and use it to guide my behaviour when I want to contribute something.
If I’m over the 33% in a 3-person conversation (especially if it’s by a lot) then it is now time to dedicate myself to listening to others and letting others respond (even if I’m dying to say something in response myself) and wait until I’m reasonably certain that I’m under or close to the 33% before I jump back in. Heck, I might even interrupt someone(!)
I’m not sure this is actually the best way to relate to conversations, but I do think at least tracking how much proportion of the conversation you’re speaking is important so you can make some kind of deliberate choice about it.
I think there are some situations where it is better to either follow an exciting conversation thread, or withdraw more fully.
I think in practice this doesn’t mean (usually) taking up more than 50% of a conversation time – if an exciting conversation thread is happening, there’s usually at least two participants talking, and it’s good to notice when you’re not actually having a conversation, you’re just monologuing,