If you make a mistake at work, you are expected to feel bad and express that through your body language and speech. If however, you’ve developed more stoic thinking patterns and ask yourself “I made a mistake, but that’s already happened so instead of regretting I’m going to focus on what I can do to avoid that mistake in the future”, you’ll also likely have body language and speech that doesn’t communicate regret in the same way.
Epictetus, one of the more popular Stoics, discusses this in the Enchiridion. In book XVI, it states “When you see anyone weeping in grief because his son has gone abroad, or is dead, or because he has suffered in his affairs, be careful that the appearance may not misdirect you. Instead, distinguish within your own mind, and be prepared to say, ‘It’s not the accident that distresses this person, because it doesn’t distress another person; it is the judgment which he makes about it.’ As far as words go, however, don’t reduce yourself to his level, and certainly do not moan with him. Do not moan inwardly either.”
The Stoic practitioner is to display grief and offer consolation, but avoid allowing this to bring them actual grief too. It’s a subtlety I didn’t know about until reading into the various Stoic works more and taking an undergraduate seminar on Stoicism.
Epictetus, one of the more popular Stoics, discusses this in the Enchiridion. In book XVI, it states “When you see anyone weeping in grief because his son has gone abroad, or is dead, or because he has suffered in his affairs, be careful that the appearance may not misdirect you. Instead, distinguish within your own mind, and be prepared to say, ‘It’s not the accident that distresses this person, because it doesn’t distress another person; it is the judgment which he makes about it.’ As far as words go, however, don’t reduce yourself to his level, and certainly do not moan with him. Do not moan inwardly either.”
The Stoic practitioner is to display grief and offer consolation, but avoid allowing this to bring them actual grief too. It’s a subtlety I didn’t know about until reading into the various Stoic works more and taking an undergraduate seminar on Stoicism.