I think the downsides are maybe just more visible to you than the upsides. To me, avoiding romantic relationships because I might have to provide 60% of the household’s income, or because I have to deal with them being sad or upset sometimes, that seems crazy. (Barring an unreasonable partner, who should be straightforward to avoid. In particular, if you’re dating within the LessWrong neurotype, this is less likely to be an issue, and even less so if you’re specifically selecting for it.) Likewise, I’d never want to give up love just because I have an hour less a day to spend on other things because I want to spend time with my girlfriend. That hour is valuable to me and worth the break from work.
I think you are right that you’d end up somewhat less ambitious, not that there’s a shortage of highly ambitious people who can also feel love. The pattern you pointed to about people being basically satisfied with mediocre performance in life as long as they feel companionate love, I think that’s basically a pattern relegated to those who are societal losers anyway, and love is just a consolation prize. It’s not like cannabis where it makes you unambitious. I’d guess this trap is most common among the working class, where most adults have no realistic shot of success anyway, so they concern themselves more with relationships and friendships.
I’m kind of saying that you’re at least half-right about all your reservations, but that it would be the right decision (IMO) to make the change anyway, if possible. According to your own values, because it’s not that you know what you’re missing and are choosing not to pursue it according to your values. It’s that you don’t know what you’re missing.
Btw companionate love feels pretty satisfice-able to me. Not sure if anyone else feels differently. But I’m in a steady state with my girlfriend, where I feel the desire to spend a certain percentage of my time with her, and beyond that I feel like I’m satisfied, and she feels similarly. More time together after that is nice in the same way that more snack food might still taste somewhat good even when you’re not really hungry anymore.
I think the downsides are maybe just more visible to you than the upsides. To me, avoiding romantic relationships because I might have to provide 60% of the household’s income, or because I have to deal with them being sad or upset sometimes, that seems crazy. (Barring an unreasonable partner, who should be straightforward to avoid. In particular, if you’re dating within the LessWrong neurotype, this is less likely to be an issue, and even less so if you’re specifically selecting for it.) Likewise, I’d never want to give up love just because I have an hour less a day to spend on other things because I want to spend time with my girlfriend. That hour is valuable to me and worth the break from work.
I think you are right that you’d end up somewhat less ambitious, not that there’s a shortage of highly ambitious people who can also feel love. The pattern you pointed to about people being basically satisfied with mediocre performance in life as long as they feel companionate love, I think that’s basically a pattern relegated to those who are societal losers anyway, and love is just a consolation prize. It’s not like cannabis where it makes you unambitious. I’d guess this trap is most common among the working class, where most adults have no realistic shot of success anyway, so they concern themselves more with relationships and friendships.
I’m kind of saying that you’re at least half-right about all your reservations, but that it would be the right decision (IMO) to make the change anyway, if possible. According to your own values, because it’s not that you know what you’re missing and are choosing not to pursue it according to your values. It’s that you don’t know what you’re missing.
Btw companionate love feels pretty satisfice-able to me. Not sure if anyone else feels differently. But I’m in a steady state with my girlfriend, where I feel the desire to spend a certain percentage of my time with her, and beyond that I feel like I’m satisfied, and she feels similarly. More time together after that is nice in the same way that more snack food might still taste somewhat good even when you’re not really hungry anymore.