Thanks for seeing that there are multiple options for interpretation. I hate it when people interpret my behavior into a false dichotomy of options, which happens to me frequently, so I am finding this refreshing.
I have a functionality threshold, but I see that as different from a class threshold. For instance, I had a boyfriend that had recently graduated from school. He was unemployed at that point, of course. It took him a very long time to get a job due to the recession. That didn’t deter me from liking him. Why not? I had no reason to think he was dysfunctional, I figured he would get a job eventually.
On the other hand, if I meet someone who reeks of alcohol and obviously hasn’t showered in a week, I’m going to be assuming they’re dysfunctional—that even if their situation could be temporary, they’re probably exacerbating it.
That’s not about class. That’s about wanting only functional, healthy relationships in my life. It’s not a healthy relationship if you have to pay for a person’s food and shelter because they’re not able to get those things for themselves.
If I meet someone who seems functional (has showered, does not reek of alcohol, etc.) and they strike up intelligent conversation (funny is nice but intelligent conversation is more my thing) but happen to be homeless, I will judge them based on how functional they are. I would not invest much until they get back on their feet, because I know better than to think that seeming functional and actually being functional are the same thing, but I wouldn’t refuse to talk to them if they seemed interesting and functional.
Why invest in a guy who just graduated but not the homeless guy? Well let’s ask this: what did the recent graduate do wrong? Nothing. Nothing is out of the ordinary if a recent grad is looking for work. That’s normal. That’s not a red flag. The homeless person, though may have done something to cause their situation. That is an abnormal situation, a red flag. I won’t be sure they are capable of supporting themselves until I see it. On the other hand, the recent grad has just spent several years doing hard work—they’ve demonstrated that they’re functional enough to be capable of supporting themselves.
That’s what’s important for me—whether people are able to support themselves, maintain stability, and be functional in general.
Thanks for seeing that there are multiple options for interpretation. I hate it when people interpret my behavior into a false dichotomy of options, which happens to me frequently, so I am finding this refreshing.
I have a functionality threshold, but I see that as different from a class threshold. For instance, I had a boyfriend that had recently graduated from school. He was unemployed at that point, of course. It took him a very long time to get a job due to the recession. That didn’t deter me from liking him. Why not? I had no reason to think he was dysfunctional, I figured he would get a job eventually.
On the other hand, if I meet someone who reeks of alcohol and obviously hasn’t showered in a week, I’m going to be assuming they’re dysfunctional—that even if their situation could be temporary, they’re probably exacerbating it.
That’s not about class. That’s about wanting only functional, healthy relationships in my life. It’s not a healthy relationship if you have to pay for a person’s food and shelter because they’re not able to get those things for themselves.
If I meet someone who seems functional (has showered, does not reek of alcohol, etc.) and they strike up intelligent conversation (funny is nice but intelligent conversation is more my thing) but happen to be homeless, I will judge them based on how functional they are. I would not invest much until they get back on their feet, because I know better than to think that seeming functional and actually being functional are the same thing, but I wouldn’t refuse to talk to them if they seemed interesting and functional.
Why invest in a guy who just graduated but not the homeless guy? Well let’s ask this: what did the recent graduate do wrong? Nothing. Nothing is out of the ordinary if a recent grad is looking for work. That’s normal. That’s not a red flag. The homeless person, though may have done something to cause their situation. That is an abnormal situation, a red flag. I won’t be sure they are capable of supporting themselves until I see it. On the other hand, the recent grad has just spent several years doing hard work—they’ve demonstrated that they’re functional enough to be capable of supporting themselves.
That’s what’s important for me—whether people are able to support themselves, maintain stability, and be functional in general.