A Verb Called Self I am the playing, but not the pause. I am the effect, but not the cause. I am the living, but not the cells. I am the ringing, but not the bells. I am the animal, but not the meat. I am the walking, but not the feet. I am the pattern, but not the clothes. I am the smelling, but not the rose. I am the waves, but not the sea Whatever my substrate, my me is still me. I am the sparks in the dark that exist as a dream - I am the process, but not the machine.
I’m counting the same way. With stress in italics,
I am the an-i-mal but not the meat
sounds much better to me than
I’m the an-i-mal but not the meat
I should probably note that I read most of the lines with an approximately syllable-sized pause before ‘but’, and the animal line without that pause. The poem feels to me like it’s written mainly in dactylls with some trochees and a final stressed syllable on each line.
Compare with
I am the play-ing, but not the pause
I’m the play-ing, but not the pause
I am the eff-ect, but not the cause
I’m the eff-ect, but not the cause
While I’m at this, how I read lines 9-11 as written
I am the waves, but not the sea
What-ev-er my sub-strate, my me is still me
I am the sparks in the dark that ex-ist as a dream
Which definitely break up the rhythm of the first half entirely, which is probably intentional, but particularly line 9 is awkward, which I didn’t catch the first pass. If I was trying to keep that rhythm, I’d read it this way:
I’m the waves, but not the sea
What-ev-er my sub-strate, my me is still me
I’m the sparks in the dark that ex-ist as a dream
And be unhappy that “What’ver” is no longer reasonable English, even for poetry.
I don’t know much about historical stress patterns, but when I pronounce “whate’er”, the stress moves to the second syllable (wut-air), which doesn’t improve things.
~Jennifer Diane “Chatoyance” Reitz, Friendship Is Optimal: Caelum Est Conterrens
A couple of those (specifically lines 2, 5, and 11) should probably be “I’m” rather than “I am” to preserve the rhythm.
I disagree with you on 5; it works better as I am than I’m.
EDIT: Also, 9 works better as “I’m”
Really? Huh. I’m counting from “I am the playing...” = 1, and I really can’t read line 5 with “I am” so it scans—I keep stumbling over “animal”.
I’m counting the same way. With stress in italics,
sounds much better to me than
I should probably note that I read most of the lines with an approximately syllable-sized pause before ‘but’, and the animal line without that pause. The poem feels to me like it’s written mainly in dactylls with some trochees and a final stressed syllable on each line.
Compare with
While I’m at this, how I read lines 9-11 as written
Which definitely break up the rhythm of the first half entirely, which is probably intentional, but particularly line 9 is awkward, which I didn’t catch the first pass. If I was trying to keep that rhythm, I’d read it this way:
And be unhappy that “What’ver” is no longer reasonable English, even for poetry.
Perhaps you want whate’er? It sounds a bit archaic, but not wrong.
I don’t know much about historical stress patterns, but when I pronounce “whate’er”, the stress moves to the second syllable (wut-air), which doesn’t improve things.