Are there any non-obvious identities that people have which might be useful to burn away?
I recently noticed that I have an internal identity of Unattractive Person which may have been valid in the past but isn’t any longer considering repeated signals in a variety of social interactions over the past few months.
Are there any non-obvious identities that people have which might be useful to burn away?
Generally I’d say: make a list of all things you do, and for each of them ask yourself a question: “Is this something I do because I got used to thinking about myself as ‘the person who does this’? If I would right now magically reincarnate as someone else, who is ‘not the person who does this’, would I want to start doing it again?”
Specifically think about the people you interact with. If you would magically reincarnate as someone else (so you would remember these people, but they wouldn’t recognize the new you) would you want to meet them again?
I recently noticed that I have an internal identity of Unattractive Person
Just a random thought: could you reframe this as statement about your skills? For example “I am a person who doesn’t dress well” or “I am a person who cannot hold an interesting conversation”. Then, simply add ”...yet” at the end of each statement. And then start learning (you can ask for a learning advice in LW Open Thread anytime).
Generally I’d say: make a list of all things you do, and for each of them ask yourself a question: “Is this something I do because I got used to thinking about myself as ‘the person who does this’? If I would right now magically reincarnate as someone else, who is ‘not the person who does this’, would I want to start doing it again?”
I like this technique. I like this a lot.
Happily, my friends do meet that criteria now. The Unattractive Person part is primarily a delayed updating. I’m working on those various skills but also haven’t updated my internal impression of myself to reflect the improvements I’ve made. I expect to get a more realistic impression of myself after more time, getting better at reading people’s attraction signals, and seeing social results
How exactly would a person burn an identity away?
Are there any non-obvious identities that people have which might be useful to burn away?
I recently noticed that I have an internal identity of Unattractive Person which may have been valid in the past but isn’t any longer considering repeated signals in a variety of social interactions over the past few months.
Generally I’d say: make a list of all things you do, and for each of them ask yourself a question: “Is this something I do because I got used to thinking about myself as ‘the person who does this’? If I would right now magically reincarnate as someone else, who is ‘not the person who does this’, would I want to start doing it again?”
Specifically think about the people you interact with. If you would magically reincarnate as someone else (so you would remember these people, but they wouldn’t recognize the new you) would you want to meet them again?
Just a random thought: could you reframe this as statement about your skills? For example “I am a person who doesn’t dress well” or “I am a person who cannot hold an interesting conversation”. Then, simply add ”...yet” at the end of each statement. And then start learning (you can ask for a learning advice in LW Open Thread anytime).
I like this technique. I like this a lot.
Happily, my friends do meet that criteria now. The Unattractive Person part is primarily a delayed updating. I’m working on those various skills but also haven’t updated my internal impression of myself to reflect the improvements I’ve made. I expect to get a more realistic impression of myself after more time, getting better at reading people’s attraction signals, and seeing social results