Sorry for not getting that you intended to make a joke—I’ve found that, even in real life and more so online, hyperbolic humor and reduction to absurdity are risky strategies. People are apt to not get the context, or to not agree on what’s absurd.
I hadn’t gotten around to asking why I was getting upvotes on my previous comments in this thread. It’s possible that people agreed with my take what you said, but it’s also possible that they mostly found the prospect of a quarrel entertaining. (They presumably agreed with me to some extent, or we’d both be getting upvotes.)
Part of my reason for saying “ballistic” is that I don’t think most people would consider a policy of kisses for putting clothes in the hamper to be such a serious infringement that if it isn’t stopped after one request, it’s a good reason for divorce.
My aversion to hostile takeover of internal motivations is much stronger than my desire for the affections of any particular individual.
I admit I missed this sentence on previous readings, and it’s probably at the center of your objections. I do think “hostile” is extreme, but maybe I’m missing something.
I think there’s a middle range between benign efforts at improvement and hostility—the range where the person is fairly indifferent to the attempted behavior change. I’m guessing that it’s the lack of respect for conscious choice by the person being reinforced which causes you to frame it as hostile.
even in real life and more so online, hyperbolic humor and reduction to absurdity are risky strategies. People are apt to not get the context, or to not agree on what’s absurd.
This is true.
I’ve also found, especially online, that characterizing the emotional states of my interlocutors for them is a risky strategy. On those rare occasions where the other person’s emotional state really is important, I find I do better to explicitly ask for confirmation of my perception about it, rather than implying or referring to it as an observed fact.
Part of my reason for saying “ballistic” is that I don’t think most people would consider a policy of kisses for putting clothes in the hamper to be such a serious infringement that if it isn’t stopped after one request, it’s a good reason for divorce.
That position sounds bizarre, I don’t think it exists outside of pjeby’s straw man. I believe my stated response was to shun the kisses.
As it happens I’ve never even had to escalate to the “ask politely” level. A smirk, a knowing look and a “Really?” avoided the conflict while keeping the interaction at the level of play, while still communicating the presence of a boundary.
I think there’s a middle range between benign efforts at improvement and hostility—the range where the person is fairly indifferent to the attempted behavior change. I’m guessing that it’s the lack of respect for conscious choice by the person being reinforced which causes you to frame it as hostile.
Sorry for not getting that you intended to make a joke—I’ve found that, even in real life and more so online, hyperbolic humor and reduction to absurdity are risky strategies. People are apt to not get the context, or to not agree on what’s absurd.
I hadn’t gotten around to asking why I was getting upvotes on my previous comments in this thread. It’s possible that people agreed with my take what you said, but it’s also possible that they mostly found the prospect of a quarrel entertaining. (They presumably agreed with me to some extent, or we’d both be getting upvotes.)
Part of my reason for saying “ballistic” is that I don’t think most people would consider a policy of kisses for putting clothes in the hamper to be such a serious infringement that if it isn’t stopped after one request, it’s a good reason for divorce.
I admit I missed this sentence on previous readings, and it’s probably at the center of your objections. I do think “hostile” is extreme, but maybe I’m missing something.
I think there’s a middle range between benign efforts at improvement and hostility—the range where the person is fairly indifferent to the attempted behavior change. I’m guessing that it’s the lack of respect for conscious choice by the person being reinforced which causes you to frame it as hostile.
This is true.
I’ve also found, especially online, that characterizing the emotional states of my interlocutors for them is a risky strategy. On those rare occasions where the other person’s emotional state really is important, I find I do better to explicitly ask for confirmation of my perception about it, rather than implying or referring to it as an observed fact.
You’re right about describing other people’s emotional states.
That position sounds bizarre, I don’t think it exists outside of pjeby’s straw man. I believe my stated response was to shun the kisses.
As it happens I’ve never even had to escalate to the “ask politely” level. A smirk, a knowing look and a “Really?” avoided the conflict while keeping the interaction at the level of play, while still communicating the presence of a boundary.
Yes.