I’m a woman, and also gay. I identify very strongly as a woman in the sense that it’s important to me that I’m a woman. Not because I fit anyone’s femme stereotype, or because I think masculinity and femininity necessarily require any particular associated personality trait to exist. My RuPaul-watching gay male friends are men and feel as strongly that they’re men as any football-watching straight man. My girlfriend is as stereotypical a butch as you can imagine, belongs to a fantasy football league, loves hunting and fishing, and works in a men’s prison. People often call her “sir” without looking closely at her, and she corrects them that it’s “ma’am.” She is no less a woman than I or Jennifer Aniston.
I have fought to the edge of my sanity to convince my deeply homophobic family that I am in fact gay, that I am attracted to femaleness in general and women in particular, that the right man for me will never come along because he does not exist. Because I have fought for this awareness, I have examined it to a degree I probably wouldn’t have if I had been straight. I know many men who are kind, nurturing, generous, and graceful people. I find many men physically beautiful and enjoy looking at them. None of this has the slightest thing to do with my sexual orientation. I’m attracted to women because they’re women, and that’s all there is to it. Whatever the cause of that, it’s not something that could change without making me a different person.
Ultimately, sex and gender are meaningful to me. I have no interest in stereotyping people. My intent is not to designate specific characteristics as masculine or feminine. I’m not all that interested in analyzing central tendencies of populations by gender. If other people are interested, more power to them. But sex and gender, whatever they are, are meaningful to me when I identify myself in the space of people.
It might work something like this.
I’m a woman, and also gay. I identify very strongly as a woman in the sense that it’s important to me that I’m a woman. Not because I fit anyone’s femme stereotype, or because I think masculinity and femininity necessarily require any particular associated personality trait to exist. My RuPaul-watching gay male friends are men and feel as strongly that they’re men as any football-watching straight man. My girlfriend is as stereotypical a butch as you can imagine, belongs to a fantasy football league, loves hunting and fishing, and works in a men’s prison. People often call her “sir” without looking closely at her, and she corrects them that it’s “ma’am.” She is no less a woman than I or Jennifer Aniston.
I have fought to the edge of my sanity to convince my deeply homophobic family that I am in fact gay, that I am attracted to femaleness in general and women in particular, that the right man for me will never come along because he does not exist. Because I have fought for this awareness, I have examined it to a degree I probably wouldn’t have if I had been straight. I know many men who are kind, nurturing, generous, and graceful people. I find many men physically beautiful and enjoy looking at them. None of this has the slightest thing to do with my sexual orientation. I’m attracted to women because they’re women, and that’s all there is to it. Whatever the cause of that, it’s not something that could change without making me a different person.
Ultimately, sex and gender are meaningful to me. I have no interest in stereotyping people. My intent is not to designate specific characteristics as masculine or feminine. I’m not all that interested in analyzing central tendencies of populations by gender. If other people are interested, more power to them. But sex and gender, whatever they are, are meaningful to me when I identify myself in the space of people.