Many people don’t seem to know when and how to invalidate the cached thoughts they have. I noticed an instance of being unable to cache invalidate the model of a person from my dad. He is probably still modelling >50% of me as who I am >5 years ago.
A lot of (but not all) people get a strong hit of this when they go back to visit their family. If you move away and then make new friends and sort of become a new person (!), you might at first think this is just who you are now. But then you visit your parents… and suddenly you feel and act a lot like you did before you moved away. You might even try to hold onto this “new you” with them… and they might respond to what they see as strange behavior by trying to nudge you into acting “normal”: ignoring surprising things you say, changing the topic to something familiar, starting an old fight, etc.
In most cases, I don’t think this is malice. It’s just that they need the scene to work. They don’t know how to interact with this “new you”, so they tug on their connection with you to pull you back into a role they recognize. If that fails, then they have to redefine who they are in relation to you — which often (but not always) happens eventually.
When you travel/move, enter into a new environment, you get to be the current version of yourself, and have everyone interact with that version of you. When you are at home or in an older environment, you have people who are simultaneously interacting with many different versions of you at once (ie people who knew the high school you, college you, early career you etc). This is challenging because it pressures you to also carry on multiple historical iterations of yourself, rather than being truly the present version of yourself you want to be in that moment.
Many people don’t seem to know when and how to invalidate the cached thoughts they have. I noticed an instance of being unable to cache invalidate the model of a person from my dad. He is probably still modelling >50% of me as who I am >5 years ago.
The Intelligent Social Web briefly talked about this for other reasons.
https://danfrank.ca/daniel-isms-50-ideas-for-life-i-repeatedly-share/ (#20)