In general I’m pretty skeptical of ideas to adopt “new and improved” social norms that are substantially different from what society has already landed on, especially for a norm as ancient and culturally universal as “apologizing.” If you think we should be doing something very different, I think you’re probably overlooking something!
I don’t think I’m proposing “new and improved” social norms! I think I’m defending the commonsensical idea that I don’t want to apologize for costs imposed on others when I’m “not actually sorry” (i.e., when I stand by my actions despite the costs), because then people would (I think rightly) feel betrayed when I take similar actions again in the future. This is something I’ve believed for a long time (see November 2014 and December 2020 prior work linked in the post, or a February 2023 Less Wrong comment), not something I just made up in order to write a reply post.
I don’t think I’m proposing “new and improved” social norms! I think I’m defending the commonsensical idea that I don’t want to apologize for costs imposed on others when I’m “not actually sorry” (i.e., when I stand by my actions despite the costs), because then people would (I think rightly) feel betrayed when I take similar actions again in the future. This is something I’ve believed for a long time (see November 2014 and December 2020 prior work linked in the post, or a February 2023 Less Wrong comment), not something I just made up in order to write a reply post.