Date nerdier people? In general, many nerdy rational individuals have a lot of trouble getting a long with not so nerdy individuals. There’s some danger that I’m other optimizing but I have trouble thinking how an educated rational individual would have be able to date someone who thought that there was something wrong with using terms like “a priori.” That’s a common enough term, and if someone uses a term that they don’t know they should be happy to learn something. So maybe just date a different sort of person?
I wasn’t talking mostly about dating, but I suppose that’s an important subfield.
The topic you mention came up at the Singularity Institute Visiting Fellows house a few weeks. 3 or 4 guys, myself included, expressed a preference for girls who had specialized in some other area of life: gains from trade of specialized knowledge. And I just love explaining to a girl how big the universe is and how gold is formed in super novas… most people can appreciate that, even if they see no need for using the word ‘a priori’. I don’t mean average intelligence, but one standard deviation above the mean intelligence. Maybe more; I tend to underestimate people. There was 1 person who was rather happy with his relationship with a girl who was very like him. However, the common theme was that people who had more dating experience consistently preferred less traditionally intelligent and more emotionally intelligent girls (I’m not using that term technically, by the way), whereas those with less dating experience had weaker preferences for girls who were like themselves. Those with more dating experience also seemed to put much more emphasis on the importance of attractiveness instead of e.g. intelligence or rationality. Not that you have to choose or anything, most of the time. I’m going to be so bold as to claim that most people with little dating experience that believe they would be happiest with a rationalist girlfriend should update on expected evidence and broaden their search criteria for potential mates.
As for preferences of women, I’m sorry, but the sample size was too small for me to see any trends. (To be fair this was a really informal discussion, not an official SIAI survey of course. :) )
Important addendum: I never actually checked to see if any of the guys in the conversation had dated women who were substantially more intelligent than average, and thus they might not have been making a fair comparison (imagining silly arguments about deism versus atheism or something). I myself have never dated a girl that was 3 sigma intelligent, for instance. I’m mostly drawing my comparison from fictional (imagined) evidence.
I’ve dated females who were clearly less intelligent than I am, some about the same, and some clearly more intelligent. I’m pretty sure the last category was the most enjoyable (I’m pretty sure that rational intelligent nerdy females don’t want want to date guys who aren’t as smart as they are either). There may be issues with sample size.
Hm, probably. I’m not sure what my priors would be, either. So my distribution’s looking pretty flat at the moment, especially after your contrary evidence.
I think that the quality of relationships depends less on the fluid intelligence of the partners, or on anything else they might have in common, and more on their level of emotional maturity (empathy, non-self-absorption, communication skills, generosity), as well as their attachment to and affection for one another.
You may become more attached to, or feel more affection for, someone you believe to be intelligent, but then again you might achieve the same emotional connection through, for example, shared life experiences. Intelligence and common interests may make a mate more entertaining, but in my experience it’s really not terribly important for my boyfriend to entertain me; we can always go see a movie or play a game together for entertainment.
I’m arguing, in short, that intelligence is mostly irrelevant to relationship quality.
On a more personal note, I can testify that, however much you might admire intelligence per se, it is a terrible idea to date someone who is nearly but not quite as intelligent as yourself, who is also crushingly insecure.
Date nerdier people? In general, many nerdy rational individuals have a lot of trouble getting a long with not so nerdy individuals. There’s some danger that I’m other optimizing but I have trouble thinking how an educated rational individual would have be able to date someone who thought that there was something wrong with using terms like “a priori.” That’s a common enough term, and if someone uses a term that they don’t know they should be happy to learn something. So maybe just date a different sort of person?
I wasn’t talking mostly about dating, but I suppose that’s an important subfield.
The topic you mention came up at the Singularity Institute Visiting Fellows house a few weeks. 3 or 4 guys, myself included, expressed a preference for girls who had specialized in some other area of life: gains from trade of specialized knowledge. And I just love explaining to a girl how big the universe is and how gold is formed in super novas… most people can appreciate that, even if they see no need for using the word ‘a priori’. I don’t mean average intelligence, but one standard deviation above the mean intelligence. Maybe more; I tend to underestimate people. There was 1 person who was rather happy with his relationship with a girl who was very like him. However, the common theme was that people who had more dating experience consistently preferred less traditionally intelligent and more emotionally intelligent girls (I’m not using that term technically, by the way), whereas those with less dating experience had weaker preferences for girls who were like themselves. Those with more dating experience also seemed to put much more emphasis on the importance of attractiveness instead of e.g. intelligence or rationality. Not that you have to choose or anything, most of the time. I’m going to be so bold as to claim that most people with little dating experience that believe they would be happiest with a rationalist girlfriend should update on expected evidence and broaden their search criteria for potential mates.
As for preferences of women, I’m sorry, but the sample size was too small for me to see any trends. (To be fair this was a really informal discussion, not an official SIAI survey of course. :) )
Important addendum: I never actually checked to see if any of the guys in the conversation had dated women who were substantially more intelligent than average, and thus they might not have been making a fair comparison (imagining silly arguments about deism versus atheism or something). I myself have never dated a girl that was 3 sigma intelligent, for instance. I’m mostly drawing my comparison from fictional (imagined) evidence.
I’ve dated females who were clearly less intelligent than I am, some about the same, and some clearly more intelligent. I’m pretty sure the last category was the most enjoyable (I’m pretty sure that rational intelligent nerdy females don’t want want to date guys who aren’t as smart as they are either). There may be issues with sample size.
Hm, probably. I’m not sure what my priors would be, either. So my distribution’s looking pretty flat at the moment, especially after your contrary evidence.
I think that the quality of relationships depends less on the fluid intelligence of the partners, or on anything else they might have in common, and more on their level of emotional maturity (empathy, non-self-absorption, communication skills, generosity), as well as their attachment to and affection for one another.
You may become more attached to, or feel more affection for, someone you believe to be intelligent, but then again you might achieve the same emotional connection through, for example, shared life experiences. Intelligence and common interests may make a mate more entertaining, but in my experience it’s really not terribly important for my boyfriend to entertain me; we can always go see a movie or play a game together for entertainment.
I’m arguing, in short, that intelligence is mostly irrelevant to relationship quality.
On a more personal note, I can testify that, however much you might admire intelligence per se, it is a terrible idea to date someone who is nearly but not quite as intelligent as yourself, who is also crushingly insecure.