I worry that this is a reason as memetic immune disorder type of situation. That in your journey towards becoming a more skilled negotiator, effectiveness will sometimes go down instead of up.
For example, when I imagine myself saying something like “it sounds like you’re very happy with the way this turned out”, it feels like it comes out very awkwardly, and that they can tell it is me trying to game them rather than acting authentically, which would backfire and make me less effective rather than more effective via that first principle of acting in good faith.
Good point! Voss talks a bit about how many of these techniques feel odd. Two points he makes:
Practice in low-stakes situations to get more comfortable with it. Don’t try any negotiation technique in a high-stakes situation that you don’t have practice with!
In many cases the discomfort you experience saying it isn’t noticed by others. Voss gives examples related to mirroring as well as to the calibrated question “How am I supposed to do that?” People feel apprehensive asking the question but it usually works despite their apprehension.
I would also add that it’s more important to stick to things you believe in than to try to literally apply something that you feel is bad or wrong. If you’re convinced that, in a given situation, a label of “it sounds like you’re very happy with the way this turned out” is a gaming of the other person, don’t use it. But if in a situation you think it’s actually an accurate label that helps summarize the situation and correctly shows the other person that you are tuned in to what they are feeling and expressing, do it! Just keep an open mind to the possibility of using labels.
Summary (added): Basically I think if you use low-stakes practice and only selectively apply to the real world the skills you are comfortable with, you don’t need to experience an intermittent dip in effectiveness due to not feeling authentic.
I worry that this is a reason as memetic immune disorder type of situation. That in your journey towards becoming a more skilled negotiator, effectiveness will sometimes go down instead of up.
For example, when I imagine myself saying something like “it sounds like you’re very happy with the way this turned out”, it feels like it comes out very awkwardly, and that they can tell it is me trying to game them rather than acting authentically, which would backfire and make me less effective rather than more effective via that first principle of acting in good faith.
Good point! Voss talks a bit about how many of these techniques feel odd. Two points he makes:
Practice in low-stakes situations to get more comfortable with it. Don’t try any negotiation technique in a high-stakes situation that you don’t have practice with!
In many cases the discomfort you experience saying it isn’t noticed by others. Voss gives examples related to mirroring as well as to the calibrated question “How am I supposed to do that?” People feel apprehensive asking the question but it usually works despite their apprehension.
I would also add that it’s more important to stick to things you believe in than to try to literally apply something that you feel is bad or wrong. If you’re convinced that, in a given situation, a label of “it sounds like you’re very happy with the way this turned out” is a gaming of the other person, don’t use it. But if in a situation you think it’s actually an accurate label that helps summarize the situation and correctly shows the other person that you are tuned in to what they are feeling and expressing, do it! Just keep an open mind to the possibility of using labels.
Summary (added): Basically I think if you use low-stakes practice and only selectively apply to the real world the skills you are comfortable with, you don’t need to experience an intermittent dip in effectiveness due to not feeling authentic.
That all makes sense, thanks for clarifying.