If your goal is conversational acuity, I’d suggest narrowing your focus to trivia about people, and about the categories that they are likely to use about themselves. I got this trick from a guy who worked at a hotel desk night shift for a year or two, and spent the time training up his skill at conversations with strangers.
Step 1: During the standard greeting protocol, think about the ways in which the person you are talking to might self-identify. Are they in uniform? Does context provide you any clues? Usually you can ask about this directly in polite ways- “So, what brings you here?”, etc. You are looking for identity groups- professions, hobbies, communities. Identities related to race and gender are best avoided for first meetings, so discard those.
Step 2: Make a comment that affirms their identity directly and pleasantly. This is where the trivia comes in handy. If the person is on a football team, compliment them on some specific event that showed off the team’s skill. If they are a medical professional, you might comment about a new hospital that was recently constructed in your neighborhood (thus implying that their profession is successful). Jokes are fine, as long as they are lighthearted and demonstrate a degree of ‘insider knowledge’. But the key here is that unusual and insightful observations about people’s identities will typically garner a disproportionately positive response, as long as the tone stays affirming- knowing a lot of rare trivia about these identities can be enormously helpful during this step.
Step 3: Shut up and ask questions. Once you have identified and affirmed a specific aspect of somebody’s identity, you can start with the seeds of what you do know, and use that as a basis for open-ended questions. Since you have demonstrated solidarity with their ‘team’, at this point most people will be more than willing to answer such questions in depth. The conversation can then continue for an arbitrarily long period of time (with the other person supplying most of the information), and as a bonus you will pick up more trivia and generally improve your understanding of society. If you continue to make observations about their identity during this time, and use those observations to ask further questions, people will usually think of you as intelligent.
There are some relevant suggestions in Leil Lowndes’s book How to Talk to Anyone:
[W]hen you crave a bigger hit of insider lingo, start reading trade journals. Those are the closed-circulation magazines that go to members of various industries. Ask your friends in different jobs to lend you one so you’ll have even more fuel for the conversational fire.
All industries have one or two. You’ll see big glossy rags with names like Automotive News, Restaurant Business, Pool and SpaNews, Trucking Industry, and even Hogs Today for people in the pig
business. (Excuse me, they call themselves “swine practitioners.” Hey, you never know when, to make your next big sale, it will help to speak pig.) Any one issue will give you a sample of their lingo and inform you of the hottest issues in that field.
When it comes to people’s hobbies and interests, browse through magazines on running, working out, bicycling, skiing, swimming, and surfing. Large magazine stores carry biker rags, boxer rags, bowler rags, even bull-riding rags. You’ll find thousands of special-interest magazines published every month.
She also suggests trying out new activities yourself, just for the sake of learning more about them:
Once a month, scramble your life. Do something you’d never dream of doing. Participate in a sport, go to an exhibition, hear a lecture on something totally out of your experience. You get 80 percent of the right lingo and insider questions from just one exposure.
Regarding people: I always thought reading an anthropology book for anecdotes about obscure tribes would make great party fodder. Especially their sexual/romantic norms (depending on the party).
If your goal is conversational acuity, I’d suggest narrowing your focus to trivia about people, and about the categories that they are likely to use about themselves. I got this trick from a guy who worked at a hotel desk night shift for a year or two, and spent the time training up his skill at conversations with strangers.
Step 1: During the standard greeting protocol, think about the ways in which the person you are talking to might self-identify. Are they in uniform? Does context provide you any clues? Usually you can ask about this directly in polite ways- “So, what brings you here?”, etc. You are looking for identity groups- professions, hobbies, communities. Identities related to race and gender are best avoided for first meetings, so discard those.
Step 2: Make a comment that affirms their identity directly and pleasantly. This is where the trivia comes in handy. If the person is on a football team, compliment them on some specific event that showed off the team’s skill. If they are a medical professional, you might comment about a new hospital that was recently constructed in your neighborhood (thus implying that their profession is successful). Jokes are fine, as long as they are lighthearted and demonstrate a degree of ‘insider knowledge’. But the key here is that unusual and insightful observations about people’s identities will typically garner a disproportionately positive response, as long as the tone stays affirming- knowing a lot of rare trivia about these identities can be enormously helpful during this step.
Step 3: Shut up and ask questions. Once you have identified and affirmed a specific aspect of somebody’s identity, you can start with the seeds of what you do know, and use that as a basis for open-ended questions. Since you have demonstrated solidarity with their ‘team’, at this point most people will be more than willing to answer such questions in depth. The conversation can then continue for an arbitrarily long period of time (with the other person supplying most of the information), and as a bonus you will pick up more trivia and generally improve your understanding of society. If you continue to make observations about their identity during this time, and use those observations to ask further questions, people will usually think of you as intelligent.
There are some relevant suggestions in Leil Lowndes’s book How to Talk to Anyone:
She also suggests trying out new activities yourself, just for the sake of learning more about them:
(cf. Eliezer’s “A New Day”)
Regarding people: I always thought reading an anthropology book for anecdotes about obscure tribes would make great party fodder. Especially their sexual/romantic norms (depending on the party).