As you admit, the simplicity of this algorithm is dependent on one’s communication >skills.
I guess I would say that the algorithm is simple regardless of communication skills, but the effectiveness and pleasantness changes. i have a lot of social anxiety so I would find talking about myself on a first date (something I’ll hopefully never have to do again) to be very unpleasant. And yet, I know exactly how to do it in the sense that I know how to express thoughts verbally and I know what thoughts are “about myself.” I would be awkward and the woman would typically form an accurate opinion of me, and especially my lack of social skills, and conclude that she didn’t want a second date. This is the correct outcome.
It’s this level of granularity that is lacking from conventional dating advice. Dating >advice typically covers certain scenarios and stages, but doesn’t really discuss how >to glue those pieces together and transition (e.g. when you are starting a first date, >how do you go from exchanging pleasantries to starting a conversation that flows, in >the minimum amount of steps and the minimum amount of awkwardness?)
I think that you are somewhat unfairly criticizing conventional dating advice because the goal of that advice is not your goal. The goal of my advice was not to create a high percentage of first dates that are “successful” and that lead to second dates or whatever. The goal of my advice was to allow both people to effectively determine how interested they are in the other person so that they accurately know if they want to have a second date.
I tend to think that the kind of advice you are looking for would make the filtering function of dating more difficult. A person who tends to make a conversation flow very well regardless of who it is with will always seem attractive and compatible on a first date. The other party will then have to spend more time and effort determining actual compatibility than they otherwise would. I am much more worried about a “false positive” on a date that leads to subsequent time and energy wasting dates than I am about “false negatives” in which compatible people can’t get past their communication shortcomings to see that they are actually made for each other. I just think that there are too many good options for most people (especially since the advent of online dating) to worry too much about false negatives. Everyone can find someone as long as they put some effort into searching and are honest about their status and who would be interested in them.
I am much more worried about a “false positive” [...] than I am about “false negatives” in which compatible people can’t get past their communication shortcomings to see that they are actually made for each other. I just think that there are too many good options for most people.
Funny, I think there are very few options and thus I’m willing to tolerate a lot of initial bumpiness in communications to see whether we’re ultimately compatible. To each his own. (I had a lot of communication problems early in life, and still do to a lesser extent, and that may be part of it too.)
Everyone can find someone as long as they put some effort into searching and are honest about their status and who would be interested in them.
If I take this as a statement meant to be strictly true, it rings false. It seems very unlikely that people would happen to occur in the proper proportions so that everyone would find someone. At least it seems there would be something like a 50% chance of there being an ‘odd man out’ even if everything else worked out perfectly.
I guess I would say that the algorithm is simple regardless of communication skills, but the effectiveness and pleasantness changes. i have a lot of social anxiety so I would find talking about myself on a first date (something I’ll hopefully never have to do again) to be very unpleasant. And yet, I know exactly how to do it in the sense that I know how to express thoughts verbally and I know what thoughts are “about myself.” I would be awkward and the woman would typically form an accurate opinion of me, and especially my lack of social skills, and conclude that she didn’t want a second date. This is the correct outcome.
I think that you are somewhat unfairly criticizing conventional dating advice because the goal of that advice is not your goal. The goal of my advice was not to create a high percentage of first dates that are “successful” and that lead to second dates or whatever. The goal of my advice was to allow both people to effectively determine how interested they are in the other person so that they accurately know if they want to have a second date.
I tend to think that the kind of advice you are looking for would make the filtering function of dating more difficult. A person who tends to make a conversation flow very well regardless of who it is with will always seem attractive and compatible on a first date. The other party will then have to spend more time and effort determining actual compatibility than they otherwise would. I am much more worried about a “false positive” on a date that leads to subsequent time and energy wasting dates than I am about “false negatives” in which compatible people can’t get past their communication shortcomings to see that they are actually made for each other. I just think that there are too many good options for most people (especially since the advent of online dating) to worry too much about false negatives. Everyone can find someone as long as they put some effort into searching and are honest about their status and who would be interested in them.
Funny, I think there are very few options and thus I’m willing to tolerate a lot of initial bumpiness in communications to see whether we’re ultimately compatible. To each his own. (I had a lot of communication problems early in life, and still do to a lesser extent, and that may be part of it too.)
If I take this as a statement meant to be strictly true, it rings false. It seems very unlikely that people would happen to occur in the proper proportions so that everyone would find someone. At least it seems there would be something like a 50% chance of there being an ‘odd man out’ even if everything else worked out perfectly.