Among other points in the essay, they have a model of “pushiness” where people can be more direct/forceful in a negotiation (e.g. discussing where to eat) to try to take more control over the outcome, or more subtle/indirect to take less control.
They suggest that if two people are both trying to get more control they can end up escalating until they’re shouting at each other, but that it’s actually more common for two people to both be trying to get less control, because the reputational penalty for being too domineering is often bigger than whatever’s at stake in the current negotiation, and so people try to be a little more accommodating than necessary, to be “on the safe side”, and this results in people spiraling into indirection until they can no longer understand each other.
They suggested that more homogenized cultures can spiral farther into indirection because people understand each other better, while more diverse cultures are forced to stop sooner because they have more misunderstandings, and so e.g. the melting-pot USA ends up being more blunt than Japan.
They also suggested that “ask culture” and “guess culture” can be thought of as different expectations about what point on the blunt/subtle scale is “normal”. The same words, spoken in ask culture, could be a bid for a small amount of control, but when spoken in guess culture, could be a bid for a large amount of control.
I’m quite glad to be reminded of that essay in this context, since it provides a competing explanation of how ask/guess culture can be thought of as different amounts of a single thing, rather than two fundamentally different things. I’ll have to do some thinking about how these two models might complement or clash with each other, and how much I ought to believe each of them where they differ.
This reminds me of Social status part 1/2: negotiations over object-level preferences, particularly because of your comment that Japan might develop a standard of greater subtlety because they can predict each other better.
Among other points in the essay, they have a model of “pushiness” where people can be more direct/forceful in a negotiation (e.g. discussing where to eat) to try to take more control over the outcome, or more subtle/indirect to take less control.
They suggest that if two people are both trying to get more control they can end up escalating until they’re shouting at each other, but that it’s actually more common for two people to both be trying to get less control, because the reputational penalty for being too domineering is often bigger than whatever’s at stake in the current negotiation, and so people try to be a little more accommodating than necessary, to be “on the safe side”, and this results in people spiraling into indirection until they can no longer understand each other.
They suggested that more homogenized cultures can spiral farther into indirection because people understand each other better, while more diverse cultures are forced to stop sooner because they have more misunderstandings, and so e.g. the melting-pot USA ends up being more blunt than Japan.
They also suggested that “ask culture” and “guess culture” can be thought of as different expectations about what point on the blunt/subtle scale is “normal”. The same words, spoken in ask culture, could be a bid for a small amount of control, but when spoken in guess culture, could be a bid for a large amount of control.
I’m quite glad to be reminded of that essay in this context, since it provides a competing explanation of how ask/guess culture can be thought of as different amounts of a single thing, rather than two fundamentally different things. I’ll have to do some thinking about how these two models might complement or clash with each other, and how much I ought to believe each of them where they differ.