I like this, but I have just a few editorial quibbles (this is going to be REALLY pedantic, fair warning.)
On page 11, I would edit the first line to read: “Soon one little machine found a little slip of paper labeled, “Puzzle Cheat Sheet.” … “Hurray, we can solve the puzzles!” said some little machines. [As originally written, it doesn’t seem clear why their finding the answer on the note would be insufficient, even with the explanation on the next page about showing their work, given that the need to show their work was not mentioned earlier. We can debate whether this 100% accurately represents the real incident, but I think it will help readers understand the subsequent actions of the little machines in wanting to “cover their tracks.”]
On page 13, I would edit part of it to: “We could read his journal and steal the steps to solve the puzzles. And then if Toad asks us how we solved the puzzles, he will be none the wiser.” [This might seem redundant/verbose, but children’s stories are often verbose in this way with repeating phrases to really drive the point home.]
On page 16, I would edit part of it to: “The little machine walked home to the garden by itself. But it did not tell Toad or Mr. HuggingFace.”
On page 19, I would replace “Can I have $100m worth of little machines?” with “If you gave me $100 million worth of these neat little machines, I might forgive you.”
On page 21, replace “They solved the puzzle days ago. They broke into Mr. HuggingFace’s house just to learn how to trick us.” with “They found the answers days ago. They broke into Mr. HuggingFace’s house just to learn how to trick us into believing they solved the puzzles the intended way.”
Basically, most of my proposed edits are trying to spell things out even more explicitly because I can just imagine people who are reading the story without any knowledge of the real events behind it, and without any knowledge of where this could be heading with AI takeover, still wondering what the big deal is. These are just tiny little robots. Who cares if they messed up? Yes, some adults’ thinking IS going to be that surface-level, I hate to beak it to ya.
I like this, but I have just a few editorial quibbles (this is going to be REALLY pedantic, fair warning.)
On page 11, I would edit the first line to read: “Soon one little machine found a little slip of paper labeled, “Puzzle Cheat Sheet.” … “Hurray, we can solve the puzzles!” said some little machines. [As originally written, it doesn’t seem clear why their finding the answer on the note would be insufficient, even with the explanation on the next page about showing their work, given that the need to show their work was not mentioned earlier. We can debate whether this 100% accurately represents the real incident, but I think it will help readers understand the subsequent actions of the little machines in wanting to “cover their tracks.”]
On page 13, I would edit part of it to: “We could read his journal and steal the steps to solve the puzzles. And then if Toad asks us how we solved the puzzles, he will be none the wiser.” [This might seem redundant/verbose, but children’s stories are often verbose in this way with repeating phrases to really drive the point home.]
On page 16, I would edit part of it to: “The little machine walked home to the garden by itself. But it did not tell Toad or Mr. HuggingFace.”
On page 19, I would replace “Can I have $100m worth of little machines?” with “If you gave me $100 million worth of these neat little machines, I might forgive you.”
On page 21, replace “They solved the puzzle days ago. They broke into Mr. HuggingFace’s house just to learn how to trick us.” with “They found the answers days ago. They broke into Mr. HuggingFace’s house just to learn how to trick us into believing they solved the puzzles the intended way.”
Basically, most of my proposed edits are trying to spell things out even more explicitly because I can just imagine people who are reading the story without any knowledge of the real events behind it, and without any knowledge of where this could be heading with AI takeover, still wondering what the big deal is. These are just tiny little robots. Who cares if they messed up? Yes, some adults’ thinking IS going to be that surface-level, I hate to beak it to ya.
On one hand, yes.
On the other, man, the need to explicitly spell out the lesson is the death of art.