My wife and I attend a therapist/counselor due to my deconversion. It has helped. If I had to try and pinpoint how, I’d say that simply having someone you’re going to see regularly (for us, about 1x/mo) about your relationship has increased my desire to reconnect and work through conflicts rather than simply play the silent treatment game or be an ass about her mistakes or times when I’ve been hurt.
She’s said the same. Basically, accountability. If I’m a jerk… I’m going to end up being embarrassed for my immaturity. I know better via in “far mode” but in “near mode” the desire for power and retaliation is still quite tempting and surrendering to a third party has a definite affect.
Our counselor also uses something called the “Emotionally Focused Therapy” method, which views romantic relationships as emotional dependencies/needs in order to help couples recognize that most arguments are not really about the topic of the argument but more aptly translated into phrases like, “Do you really value me? Are you here for me? Am I worth your time?” I haven’t read the whole book and haven’t really compared it to other views on this, but the method claims to have a higher success rate than others.
’Nuff rambling about my dirty laundry. Just wanted to chime in that at least one type of therapy in one setting is helpful.
For a different example that I think very poorly of, in my teen years during my drug/alcohol abuse state, my parents took my to a psychologist who after a perhaps 20min session in which I barely said anything other than the fact that I didn’t really like my life and didn’t get along with my parents, asked me if I’d like to try some anti-depressants to see if they’d help. While I may have had some symptoms, I was surprised back then and still am that after such a short period of time someone would have been ready to prescribe me something.
Edit: In re-thinking… could a counselor who’s simply providing “accountability” be replaced by a close mutual friend, mentor of sorts, or someone else? Probably, though the guy is very good at guiding conversation, mediating, etc., and I was very impressed that he asked for specific goals in our first session. Basically, he asked, “If this work between us went perfectly, how would things look like at the end of many sessions?” I thought that was fantastic, as I really worried before deciding to try this that we’d be emptying our pockets for nebulous emotional venting sessions.
Therapy/counseling, for us, I think also adds incentive to care because we’re paying for it. I want the best out of this guy’s tool bag and having a financial investment in trying to improve our situation helps me, at least, stay focused on trying to work hard in our sessions.
My wife and I attend a therapist/counselor due to my deconversion. It has helped. If I had to try and pinpoint how, I’d say that simply having someone you’re going to see regularly (for us, about 1x/mo) about your relationship has increased my desire to reconnect and work through conflicts rather than simply play the silent treatment game or be an ass about her mistakes or times when I’ve been hurt.
She’s said the same. Basically, accountability. If I’m a jerk… I’m going to end up being embarrassed for my immaturity. I know better via in “far mode” but in “near mode” the desire for power and retaliation is still quite tempting and surrendering to a third party has a definite affect.
Our counselor also uses something called the “Emotionally Focused Therapy” method, which views romantic relationships as emotional dependencies/needs in order to help couples recognize that most arguments are not really about the topic of the argument but more aptly translated into phrases like, “Do you really value me? Are you here for me? Am I worth your time?” I haven’t read the whole book and haven’t really compared it to other views on this, but the method claims to have a higher success rate than others.
’Nuff rambling about my dirty laundry. Just wanted to chime in that at least one type of therapy in one setting is helpful.
For a different example that I think very poorly of, in my teen years during my drug/alcohol abuse state, my parents took my to a psychologist who after a perhaps 20min session in which I barely said anything other than the fact that I didn’t really like my life and didn’t get along with my parents, asked me if I’d like to try some anti-depressants to see if they’d help. While I may have had some symptoms, I was surprised back then and still am that after such a short period of time someone would have been ready to prescribe me something.
Edit: In re-thinking… could a counselor who’s simply providing “accountability” be replaced by a close mutual friend, mentor of sorts, or someone else? Probably, though the guy is very good at guiding conversation, mediating, etc., and I was very impressed that he asked for specific goals in our first session. Basically, he asked, “If this work between us went perfectly, how would things look like at the end of many sessions?” I thought that was fantastic, as I really worried before deciding to try this that we’d be emptying our pockets for nebulous emotional venting sessions.
Therapy/counseling, for us, I think also adds incentive to care because we’re paying for it. I want the best out of this guy’s tool bag and having a financial investment in trying to improve our situation helps me, at least, stay focused on trying to work hard in our sessions.