I think you might be missing the point of non-apologies.
You can usually think of the person offering the non-apology as having this internal monologue:
“I did nothing wrong. What I did was ok, or necessary, or possibly even right. You didn’t like what I did. It’s even possible you were harmed by it—though perhaps you’re exaggerating, or making it up. Still, it sucks that you are unhappy; I certainly don’t want that. But that doesn’t mean that I was wrong to do what I did, or that I owe you an apology.
“The cultural script in this situation demands that I apologize. Very well; if you insist on forcing me to do so, I will kowtow to the social obligation to apologize, to the extent necessary—but no more than that. As much as possible, I will avoid admitting that I did anything wrong—because I didn’t. As much as possible, I will avoid acknowledging that you have the moral high ground—because you don’t. As much as possible, I will avoid saying that I should’ve acted differently—because there was nothing at all wrong with the way I acted (except, perhaps, I should’ve been better at avoiding getting caught).
“You want my submission. I give you as little of it as I can get away with—because, in fact, I owe you none.”
Now, whether the non-apologizer is right in thinking this way, is another matter. But someone who is thinking thus, will be swayed by exactly none of your arguments.
I think you might be missing the point of non-apologies.
You can usually think of the person offering the non-apology as having this internal monologue:
“I did nothing wrong. What I did was ok, or necessary, or possibly even right. You didn’t like what I did. It’s even possible you were harmed by it—though perhaps you’re exaggerating, or making it up. Still, it sucks that you are unhappy; I certainly don’t want that. But that doesn’t mean that I was wrong to do what I did, or that I owe you an apology.
“The cultural script in this situation demands that I apologize. Very well; if you insist on forcing me to do so, I will kowtow to the social obligation to apologize, to the extent necessary—but no more than that. As much as possible, I will avoid admitting that I did anything wrong—because I didn’t. As much as possible, I will avoid acknowledging that you have the moral high ground—because you don’t. As much as possible, I will avoid saying that I should’ve acted differently—because there was nothing at all wrong with the way I acted (except, perhaps, I should’ve been better at avoiding getting caught).
“You want my submission. I give you as little of it as I can get away with—because, in fact, I owe you none.”
Now, whether the non-apologizer is right in thinking this way, is another matter. But someone who is thinking thus, will be swayed by exactly none of your arguments.