Off topic, but your words helped me realize something. It seems like for some people it is physical attraction first, for others it is emotional connection first.
The former may perceive the latter as dishonest: if their model of the world is that for everyone it is physical attraction first (it is only natural to generalize from one example), then what you describe as “take my time getting to know someone organically”, they interpret as “actually I was attracted to the person since the first sight, but I was afraid of a rejection, so I strategically pretended to be a friend first, so that I could later blackmail them into having sex by threatening to withdraw the friendship they spent a lot of time building”.
Basically, from the “for everyone it is attraction first” perspective, the honest behavior is either going for the sex immediately (“hey, you’re hot, let’s fuck” or a more diplomatic version thereof), or deciding that you are not interested sexually, and then the alternatives are either walking away, or developing a friendship that will remain safely sexless forever.
And from the other side, complaining about the “friend zone” is basically complaining that too many people you are attracted to happen to be “physical attraction first” (and they don’t find you attractive), but it takes you too long to find out.
Off topic, but your words helped me realize something. It seems like for some people it is physical attraction first, for others it is emotional connection first.
The former may perceive the latter as dishonest: if their model of the world is that for everyone it is physical attraction first (it is only natural to generalize from one example), then what you describe as “take my time getting to know someone organically”, they interpret as “actually I was attracted to the person since the first sight, but I was afraid of a rejection, so I strategically pretended to be a friend first, so that I could later blackmail them into having sex by threatening to withdraw the friendship they spent a lot of time building”.
Basically, from the “for everyone it is attraction first” perspective, the honest behavior is either going for the sex immediately (“hey, you’re hot, let’s fuck” or a more diplomatic version thereof), or deciding that you are not interested sexually, and then the alternatives are either walking away, or developing a friendship that will remain safely sexless forever.
And from the other side, complaining about the “friend zone” is basically complaining that too many people you are attracted to happen to be “physical attraction first” (and they don’t find you attractive), but it takes you too long to find out.