Sure. But how the society actually functions is… well, the usual monkey politics. It is optimized for all kinds of things you might not approve of when described honestly. Such as feeling compassion towards people who might become useful allies in the future. Or feeling compassion towards people who are unlikely to become competitors in the future, so that you can signal some desirable traits about yourself. It is definitely not optimized for providing “fair” feedback.
So, if you choose to follow the same rules for self-compassion… well, it may be good if you try to predict other people’s compassion towards you (although, whom exactly are you trying to predict? the answer may depend). But there is nothing inherently “right” about it. For example, I suppose that people who feel high-status will find it much easier to forgive themselves than people who feel low-status (because that is the correct prediction of how likely the others would forgive us). Also, you have the gender bias, where women are bombarded with messages how they need to learn to love themselves, while for men Stoicism is the only approved option. Are you going to internalize this? Again, your choice. But it may be a different choice whether you optimize for “what the society wants me to feel” or “what feeling is best for me”.
Sure. But how the society actually functions is… well, the usual monkey politics. It is optimized for all kinds of things you might not approve of when described honestly. Such as feeling compassion towards people who might become useful allies in the future. Or feeling compassion towards people who are unlikely to become competitors in the future, so that you can signal some desirable traits about yourself. It is definitely not optimized for providing “fair” feedback.
So, if you choose to follow the same rules for self-compassion… well, it may be good if you try to predict other people’s compassion towards you (although, whom exactly are you trying to predict? the answer may depend). But there is nothing inherently “right” about it. For example, I suppose that people who feel high-status will find it much easier to forgive themselves than people who feel low-status (because that is the correct prediction of how likely the others would forgive us). Also, you have the gender bias, where women are bombarded with messages how they need to learn to love themselves, while for men Stoicism is the only approved option. Are you going to internalize this? Again, your choice. But it may be a different choice whether you optimize for “what the society wants me to feel” or “what feeling is best for me”.