“if an outcome is my responsibility, then I refuse to give myself compassion.”
I wouldn’t phrase it in terms quite this absolutist, but I would say that when something is my responsibility I feel like I deserve much less compassion. That’s pretty much what I say in the second paragraph: “we tend to feel less compassion for someone if we think that they’re responsible for their own misfortune”.
Making ourselves suffer for our mistakes sometimes feels like a necessary step toward learning, but it does not have to be.
This is where my mind has been wandering post writing this essay as well. Is there a way to continue learning and reminding ourselves to improve our vigilance without the self-destructive self-flagellation aspect? There might be, which would be great.
I wouldn’t phrase it in terms quite this absolutist, but I would say that when something is my responsibility I feel like I deserve much less compassion. That’s pretty much what I say in the second paragraph: “we tend to feel less compassion for someone if we think that they’re responsible for their own misfortune”.
This is where my mind has been wandering post writing this essay as well. Is there a way to continue learning and reminding ourselves to improve our vigilance without the self-destructive self-flagellation aspect? There might be, which would be great.