This seems very obviously incorrect. Googling “how to make boyfriend happy” brings up a lot of articles about showing trust, making romantic gestures, giving compliments, doing extra chores, etc.
Just guessing—internet is large enough that you can find almost anything if you google it. But how likely are women to encounter such advice without actively looking for it? Does the culture bring the possibility of this behavior to anyone’s attention?
There are also the perennial arguments about how most women do more housework and childwork.
That is indeed an important work, but it is not the same thing. One can do the dishes and help the kids do their homework, while completely ignoring their partner. (Technically, one can do the dishes and help the kids do their homework without having a partner at all.)
Imagine it from the opposite perspective: if a woman is complaining that her husband is not actively contributing to their relationship, and the husband says “but I bring to our home my salary!”, does it seem like he has sufficiently addressed the complaint? Well, neither does “but I do more housework!”.
It seems to me unlikely that women don’t care at all about making their partners happy, and I’d argue that the google search is approximately the same level of evidence as the existence of the “female dating coach” in the original post.
You’re definitely right on housework not being the same thing as investing in a relationship. That was my bad.
It feels like women do an equal amount of the work in emotional support / close connection / engagement / etc realms (at least once already in a relationship), but a cursory search on JSTOR hasn’t turned up anything useful as far as proof, and I guess it’s possible that I’ve just been very lucky in relationships so far.
Just guessing—internet is large enough that you can find almost anything if you google it. But how likely are women to encounter such advice without actively looking for it? Does the culture bring the possibility of this behavior to anyone’s attention?
That is indeed an important work, but it is not the same thing. One can do the dishes and help the kids do their homework, while completely ignoring their partner. (Technically, one can do the dishes and help the kids do their homework without having a partner at all.)
Imagine it from the opposite perspective: if a woman is complaining that her husband is not actively contributing to their relationship, and the husband says “but I bring to our home my salary!”, does it seem like he has sufficiently addressed the complaint? Well, neither does “but I do more housework!”.
It seems to me unlikely that women don’t care at all about making their partners happy, and I’d argue that the google search is approximately the same level of evidence as the existence of the “female dating coach” in the original post.
You’re definitely right on housework not being the same thing as investing in a relationship. That was my bad.
It feels like women do an equal amount of the work in emotional support / close connection / engagement / etc realms (at least once already in a relationship), but a cursory search on JSTOR hasn’t turned up anything useful as far as proof, and I guess it’s possible that I’ve just been very lucky in relationships so far.