I’d rather have to try and not be as upset by certain things than have to account for everyone else’s diverse baggage. A norm where people are expected to do the first thing instead of the second seems better because if more people had thick skin, less people would be upset. Like if I make a joke that’s hilarious to five people and annoying to the sixth it’s a net positive unless that guy is really REALLY hurt, right? But under usual norms, if I say “relax it was a joke” I’m the insensitive asshole. But it WAS just a joke. And look, I’m totally cool with being on the receiving end of that sometimes. It’s a good trade off because I value not having taboos or feeling like I have to tiptoe.
I feel like maybe people hear “don’t get offended” as “you’re not allowed to express disapproval about something someone says”? If there’s a legitimate problem with something someone said, point out the problem. Maybe just say “not cool because [reason]” and move on? Why get offended? People are probably worried about marginalized groups. None of this means e.g. a gay student has to just put up with homophobic bullying, because he wouldn’t have that problem if the bullies hadn’t gotten so offended by his sexuality in the first place. I feel like more often than not offense isn’t some marginalized group righteously feels righteously righteous anger, but because of hard truths or Things You Can’t Say. In other words, more often offense is like the bullies than like the gay student. Am I missing something?
But this is all from a guy who has a dark sense of humor a hard time empathizing with more sensitive peers, so take I would take this with a small heap of salt
I’d rather have to try and not be as upset by certain things than have to account for everyone else’s diverse baggage. A norm where people are expected to do the first thing instead of the second seems better because if more people had thick skin, less people would be upset. Like if I make a joke that’s hilarious to five people and annoying to the sixth it’s a net positive unless that guy is really REALLY hurt, right? But under usual norms, if I say “relax it was a joke” I’m the insensitive asshole. But it WAS just a joke. And look, I’m totally cool with being on the receiving end of that sometimes. It’s a good trade off because I value not having taboos or feeling like I have to tiptoe.
I feel like maybe people hear “don’t get offended” as “you’re not allowed to express disapproval about something someone says”? If there’s a legitimate problem with something someone said, point out the problem. Maybe just say “not cool because [reason]” and move on? Why get offended? People are probably worried about marginalized groups. None of this means e.g. a gay student has to just put up with homophobic bullying, because he wouldn’t have that problem if the bullies hadn’t gotten so offended by his sexuality in the first place. I feel like more often than not offense isn’t some marginalized group righteously feels righteously righteous anger, but because of hard truths or Things You Can’t Say. In other words, more often offense is like the bullies than like the gay student. Am I missing something?
But this is all from a guy who has a dark sense of humor a hard time empathizing with more sensitive peers, so take I would take this with a small heap of salt