I feel very lonely in life, and I think the biggest reason is that I can’t relate to most people. They’re too dumb. Trying to make friends with a rando at a bar feels like trying to make friends with a toddler.
Has anyone else had this experience? Is this an attitude problem on my part? Is there somewhere I can find smart friends? If it’s an attitude problem, do you have any wise words about how I can see that, so I can start fixing it?
My few smart friends seem to themselves have lots of smart friends, but when I complain that I have difficulty finding friends, their faces don’t light up in recognition or sympathy. They just look at me blankly and spit out generic platitudes about how maybe I should try putting myself out there. IDK if that’s all they had to do to make smart friends, but I do put myself out there, and it doesn’t work. I mostly only meet idiots, and even the idiots usually don’t care to get to know me.
It’s hard to say without having met you—could be both. (Or a combination of both.)
Can you role-play being social with someone who seems dumb to you? To the degree that the person would actually compliment you for being a pleasant acquaintance? If no, your social skills can still be improved a lot.
When you get that skill, the next step is to hand out at places with lots of people, apply the skills, and once in a while you will meet someone actually smart. (There are not many of them, though.)
I feel comfortable and safe asking a question like “Is this an attitude problem on my part?” on this website in a way I don’t when talking to most people. It’s humility. It’s me saying: “I might be really wrong, and you all might know it”. I don’t usually say that kind of thing, and it’s because for most people I might be talking to, it’s really not true. You wouldn’t talk like that to a toddler; I wouldn’t talk like that to a normie. But I would talk like that here, because I think people here are smart and kind in a way normies aren’t. Those are the same qualities I want in a friend, and I wonder if the humility I feel posting stuff on this site is a taste of what I’d feel all the time if I lived in a world that was mostly full of people I see as Actual Adults. Instead, in the real world, which is full of people I see as Basically Toddlers, I feel deeply and broadly arrogant, and although I think that feeling is justified and I wouldn’t exactly want to change it, it really isn’t fun :(
I think this means your “smart” friends aren’t as smart as they seem. You know what, I just stopped trying and stopped going to the wrong places. Smart people don’t hang out randomly in bars because obviously most people there are dumdums. I use that time to code and get smarter. Don’t listen to average people trying to gaslight you about “social skills” if they were smart they’d know how to talk to you. Be yourself and say what you want. Average people may get triggered because they will feel like dumdums after hearing your socratic seminar and that’s your filter, that’s how you know they’re a dummy. You can try to enlighten the masses until you tire of wasting your energy playing piano for cows.
I feel very lonely in life, and I think the biggest reason is that I can’t relate to most people. They’re too dumb. Trying to make friends with a rando at a bar feels like trying to make friends with a toddler.
Has anyone else had this experience? Is this an attitude problem on my part? Is there somewhere I can find smart friends? If it’s an attitude problem, do you have any wise words about how I can see that, so I can start fixing it?
My few smart friends seem to themselves have lots of smart friends, but when I complain that I have difficulty finding friends, their faces don’t light up in recognition or sympathy. They just look at me blankly and spit out generic platitudes about how maybe I should try putting myself out there. IDK if that’s all they had to do to make smart friends, but I do put myself out there, and it doesn’t work. I mostly only meet idiots, and even the idiots usually don’t care to get to know me.
It’s hard to say without having met you—could be both. (Or a combination of both.)
Can you role-play being social with someone who seems dumb to you? To the degree that the person would actually compliment you for being a pleasant acquaintance? If no, your social skills can still be improved a lot.
When you get that skill, the next step is to hand out at places with lots of people, apply the skills, and once in a while you will meet someone actually smart. (There are not many of them, though.)
I feel comfortable and safe asking a question like “Is this an attitude problem on my part?” on this website in a way I don’t when talking to most people. It’s humility. It’s me saying: “I might be really wrong, and you all might know it”. I don’t usually say that kind of thing, and it’s because for most people I might be talking to, it’s really not true. You wouldn’t talk like that to a toddler; I wouldn’t talk like that to a normie. But I would talk like that here, because I think people here are smart and kind in a way normies aren’t. Those are the same qualities I want in a friend, and I wonder if the humility I feel posting stuff on this site is a taste of what I’d feel all the time if I lived in a world that was mostly full of people I see as Actual Adults. Instead, in the real world, which is full of people I see as Basically Toddlers, I feel deeply and broadly arrogant, and although I think that feeling is justified and I wouldn’t exactly want to change it, it really isn’t fun :(
I think this means your “smart” friends aren’t as smart as they seem. You know what, I just stopped trying and stopped going to the wrong places. Smart people don’t hang out randomly in bars because obviously most people there are dumdums. I use that time to code and get smarter. Don’t listen to average people trying to gaslight you about “social skills” if they were smart they’d know how to talk to you. Be yourself and say what you want. Average people may get triggered because they will feel like dumdums after hearing your socratic seminar and that’s your filter, that’s how you know they’re a dummy. You can try to enlighten the masses until you tire of wasting your energy playing piano for cows.