Inspired to look for ways to improve my thinking. Looking for things I’m flinching away from—and narrow in on those things for inspection. I keep asking myself—what is it that I already know about the world that I’m pretending not to see?
I have more skill to gain here, even now. Recently, I had a date scheduled, but then my date seemed to indicate she wanted to make it more of a group outing. I thought, “Wasn’t this supposed to be, you know, a date for the two of us?”, but I became distracted by other matters, like “Why are my COVID tests showing bright positives on day 11 after my first positive, aren’t I supposed to be low viral load by now?! Did I get sick again?”
I was feeling overwhelmed, and my “Your cognition is compromised” alert popped up. I entered a more epistemically sturdy frame of mind. That part of my cognition told me:
You are trying to deny the fact that any reasonable assessment of the situation indicates that you are highly infectious and cannot be around other people. You will have to isolate again. This is true. Accept it.
You are trying to deny the fact that you will not be able to attend the research retreat this weekend. It won’t happen. Accept that, too.
Also, your date is no longer romantically interested in you. You know that perfectly well, but don’t want to think it because it’s painful. You can thank me later when I’m right.
That part of me was right on all three counts. While my exception-handling did activate and I did realize those three facts within my own brain, without external help, I’d like to get to the point where my main train of thought doesn’t need such obvious correction from a particular other part of me.
(Also, although my internal voice may seem unkind in this situation, in the moment it didn’t feel mean or harmful. Please do not cultivate edgy, hurtful inner voices within yourself, dear reader, because you come away from this comment with the impression that internal edginess → better epistemics.)
I have more skill to gain here, even now. Recently, I had a date scheduled, but then my date seemed to indicate she wanted to make it more of a group outing. I thought, “Wasn’t this supposed to be, you know, a date for the two of us?”, but I became distracted by other matters, like “Why are my COVID tests showing bright positives on day 11 after my first positive, aren’t I supposed to be low viral load by now?! Did I get sick again?”
I was feeling overwhelmed, and my “Your cognition is compromised” alert popped up. I entered a more epistemically sturdy frame of mind. That part of my cognition told me:
That part of me was right on all three counts. While my exception-handling did activate and I did realize those three facts within my own brain, without external help, I’d like to get to the point where my main train of thought doesn’t need such obvious correction from a particular other part of me.
(Also, although my internal voice may seem unkind in this situation, in the moment it didn’t feel mean or harmful. Please do not cultivate edgy, hurtful inner voices within yourself, dear reader, because you come away from this comment with the impression that internal edginess → better epistemics.)