But you can still be an awesome [some other thing]. I think it’s easier not to fall into the worst failure modes when dealing with awesome people if you’re an awesome person, even if the thing you’re awesome at is not the thing they’re awesome at. There’s also an adjustment in attitude related to closing the awesomeness gap, which is to view awesome people as Bayesian evidence about how awesome it’s possible for humans to be instead of as threats to your awesomeness.
I think you’re talking about a slightly different failure mode than what I have in mind.
Story: I’ve never had any musical training, but when I was in middle school I had two friends that were musicians, and one was all about the classical music and she was in band, etc, while the other dude is a death metal drummer. And every time I had any opinion on any piece of music at all, they would just tear into it and tell me that it was all crap and that I was wrong. And because they were both musicians, and I wasn’t devoted to any of these things I liked, I sorta had to admit that they probably had more expertise about this music stuff than I did and therefore probably knew what they were talking about.
But, oddly enough, this didn’t stop me from … liking some music? Who knew, right? But the result is that to this day I am literally afraid to tell anyone about my music preferences because I feel like I’m not allowed to have any because I’m not an actual musician. Yet when I query my own brain about why I like something, there’s some things that, for example, have brilliant, awesome lyrics (which I have more “expertise” in) and some that my brain just says “eh? iono!” and still likes the thing.
So one solution is to go out and take a ton of musical classes and find out exactly what’s going on and develop snobbish music tastes so that I can hold my own with these people. But if I have other stuff to do, another option is to accept that there’s just going to be some stuff that I like for the “eh iono” reason and that’s okay. And I don’t have to defend it from anyone! So even if I’m trying to maximize awesome along some axes, I can still participate and experience awesome along others. =]
This doesn’t seem very related to the content of the OP. You don’t mention having a fangirl reaction to either of your friends (who, by the way, sound like bad friends). It sounds like you just didn’t distinguish between the folowing phenomena:
A domain expert has a lot of knowledge about her domain, and is therefore better at making anticipation-controlling statements about it than non-domain experts.
A domain expert has preferences about parts of her domain that disagree with the preferences of non-domain experts for various reasons.
That is, I think it’s reasonable to hypothesize that musicians have very different preferences about music than non-musicians for various reasons, e.g. because musical training modifies how a musician experiences music or because of tribalism and identity issues. For example, when a classical musician tells you that rap music is a piece of crap, I don’t think they’re making an anticipation-controlling statement; they’re cheering for the classical music team. They may also be making a statement about their own preferences, which are probably informed by their training and don’t need to impinge on your preferences.
Exactly! There was tribalism/identity mixed up in their expertise for both of them! But I was only doing step 1 from the list but none of the others. So I had no tribe on my side to back me up against the strength of theirs, which put me in this weird, vulnerable position that led me to the flawed conclusion that I wasn’t allowed to hang out in the music axis of thingspace at all. But, when you do the other steps, it’s just things you put into your ears, and compared to all the other things out there in the world to do, it’s nothing to really to fight over or get freaked out by. “You’re judging me for things I put into my ears? Really?”
Also, I feel like it’s pretty common to have bad friends in middle school. =/
Ohh! Yeah, it was a reply to your “closing the awesomeness gap” comment. Dealing with awesome people without having to close the awesomeness gap between us? Especially people that have a mixture of awesomeness AND tribalism issues going on. ^_^
But you can still be an awesome [some other thing]. I think it’s easier not to fall into the worst failure modes when dealing with awesome people if you’re an awesome person, even if the thing you’re awesome at is not the thing they’re awesome at. There’s also an adjustment in attitude related to closing the awesomeness gap, which is to view awesome people as Bayesian evidence about how awesome it’s possible for humans to be instead of as threats to your awesomeness.
I think you’re talking about a slightly different failure mode than what I have in mind.
Story: I’ve never had any musical training, but when I was in middle school I had two friends that were musicians, and one was all about the classical music and she was in band, etc, while the other dude is a death metal drummer. And every time I had any opinion on any piece of music at all, they would just tear into it and tell me that it was all crap and that I was wrong. And because they were both musicians, and I wasn’t devoted to any of these things I liked, I sorta had to admit that they probably had more expertise about this music stuff than I did and therefore probably knew what they were talking about.
But, oddly enough, this didn’t stop me from … liking some music? Who knew, right? But the result is that to this day I am literally afraid to tell anyone about my music preferences because I feel like I’m not allowed to have any because I’m not an actual musician. Yet when I query my own brain about why I like something, there’s some things that, for example, have brilliant, awesome lyrics (which I have more “expertise” in) and some that my brain just says “eh? iono!” and still likes the thing.
So one solution is to go out and take a ton of musical classes and find out exactly what’s going on and develop snobbish music tastes so that I can hold my own with these people. But if I have other stuff to do, another option is to accept that there’s just going to be some stuff that I like for the “eh iono” reason and that’s okay. And I don’t have to defend it from anyone! So even if I’m trying to maximize awesome along some axes, I can still participate and experience awesome along others. =]
*dances*
This doesn’t seem very related to the content of the OP. You don’t mention having a fangirl reaction to either of your friends (who, by the way, sound like bad friends). It sounds like you just didn’t distinguish between the folowing phenomena:
A domain expert has a lot of knowledge about her domain, and is therefore better at making anticipation-controlling statements about it than non-domain experts.
A domain expert has preferences about parts of her domain that disagree with the preferences of non-domain experts for various reasons.
That is, I think it’s reasonable to hypothesize that musicians have very different preferences about music than non-musicians for various reasons, e.g. because musical training modifies how a musician experiences music or because of tribalism and identity issues. For example, when a classical musician tells you that rap music is a piece of crap, I don’t think they’re making an anticipation-controlling statement; they’re cheering for the classical music team. They may also be making a statement about their own preferences, which are probably informed by their training and don’t need to impinge on your preferences.
Exactly! There was tribalism/identity mixed up in their expertise for both of them! But I was only doing step 1 from the list but none of the others. So I had no tribe on my side to back me up against the strength of theirs, which put me in this weird, vulnerable position that led me to the flawed conclusion that I wasn’t allowed to hang out in the music axis of thingspace at all. But, when you do the other steps, it’s just things you put into your ears, and compared to all the other things out there in the world to do, it’s nothing to really to fight over or get freaked out by. “You’re judging me for things I put into my ears? Really?”
Also, I feel like it’s pretty common to have bad friends in middle school. =/
Right, but what does this have to do with worship? It doesn’t sound like you felt any temptation to worship your friends.
Ohh! Yeah, it was a reply to your “closing the awesomeness gap” comment. Dealing with awesome people without having to close the awesomeness gap between us? Especially people that have a mixture of awesomeness AND tribalism issues going on. ^_^