a large (but not the only) factor in getting me to step down from a leadership position in a project I’m spending about half of my time on. [...] and someone with the viewpoint that shunning him was the wrong thing for me to do also stepped down from an equivalent leadership position in order to maintain a balance.
I wasn’t aware of this, but it seems unfortunate. If successfully ostracizing me isn’t going to happen anyway, “both of you step down from something that you previously wanted to do” seems like a worse outcome than “neither of you step down.”
(For my own part, while I wouldn’t invite you to any parties I host at my house, I have no interest in trying to get other people to exclude you from their events. I consider my goal in this whole affair as simply to make it clear that I don’t intend to let social pressure influence my writing—a goal at which I think I’ve succeeded.)
shunning people who call others “delusional perverts” because of their gender
I hadn’t bothered addressing this earlier, because I wanted to emphasize that my true rejection was “I don’t negotiate with emotional blackmailers; I’m happy to listen and update on substantive criticism of my writing, but appeal to consequences is not a substantive criticism”, but since it is relevant, I really think you’ve misunderstood the point of that post: try reading the second and third paragraphs again.
What I’m trying to do there is highlight my disapproval of the phenomenon where the perceived emotional valence of language overshadows its literal content. I understand very well that the phrase “delusional pervert” constitutes fighting words in a way that “paraphilic with mistaken views” doesn’t, but I’m interested in developing the skill of being able to simultaneously contemplate framings with different ideological/emotional charges, especially including framings that make me and my friends look bad (precisely because those are the ones it’s most emotionally tempting to overlook). People who aren’t interested in this skill probably shouldn’t read my blog, as the trigger warning page explains.
(Seriously, why isn’t the trigger warning page good enough for you? It’s one thing to say my writing to should have a label to protect the sensitive, but it’s another thing to say that you don’t want my thoughts to exist!)
It would have been better if I’d been skilled enough to convince him to use a less aggressive tone throughout his writing by being gentler myself
Not all goals are achievable by sufficiently-skilled gentle social manipulation. If you can show me an argument that can persuade me to change my behavior given _my_ values, then I’ll do so. If no such argument exists, then your skill and gentleness don’t matter. (At least, I hope I’m not that hackable!)
(Just noticed this.)
I wasn’t aware of this, but it seems unfortunate. If successfully ostracizing me isn’t going to happen anyway, “both of you step down from something that you previously wanted to do” seems like a worse outcome than “neither of you step down.”
(For my own part, while I wouldn’t invite you to any parties I host at my house, I have no interest in trying to get other people to exclude you from their events. I consider my goal in this whole affair as simply to make it clear that I don’t intend to let social pressure influence my writing—a goal at which I think I’ve succeeded.)
I hadn’t bothered addressing this earlier, because I wanted to emphasize that my true rejection was “I don’t negotiate with emotional blackmailers; I’m happy to listen and update on substantive criticism of my writing, but appeal to consequences is not a substantive criticism”, but since it is relevant, I really think you’ve misunderstood the point of that post: try reading the second and third paragraphs again.
What I’m trying to do there is highlight my disapproval of the phenomenon where the perceived emotional valence of language overshadows its literal content. I understand very well that the phrase “delusional pervert” constitutes fighting words in a way that “paraphilic with mistaken views” doesn’t, but I’m interested in developing the skill of being able to simultaneously contemplate framings with different ideological/emotional charges, especially including framings that make me and my friends look bad (precisely because those are the ones it’s most emotionally tempting to overlook). People who aren’t interested in this skill probably shouldn’t read my blog, as the trigger warning page explains.
(Seriously, why isn’t the trigger warning page good enough for you? It’s one thing to say my writing to should have a label to protect the sensitive, but it’s another thing to say that you don’t want my thoughts to exist!)
Not all goals are achievable by sufficiently-skilled gentle social manipulation. If you can show me an argument that can persuade me to change my behavior given _my_ values, then I’ll do so. If no such argument exists, then your skill and gentleness don’t matter. (At least, I hope I’m not that hackable!)