Wendy Collings, about your Q1, see the book “Five Love Languages”. It’s precisely about that.
Angel, if you’re still here (I doubt it), try to apply the label “mindfuckery” to your posts. Sorry I don’t have any substantive criticism. Or rather this is the substantive criticism.
Nominull, yes, pick-up techniques are mind control. So is flirting to obtain a drink or get out of a speeding ticket. Sorry, mind control is a thing humans do and try to get better at. Jonathan Haidt: “We did not evolve language and reasoning because they helped us to find truth; we evolved these skills because they were useful to their bearers, and among their greatest benefits were reputation management and manipulation.” http://edge.org/3rd_culture/haidt07/haidt07_index.html
Z. M. Davis, even where gender roles are behavioral, they are (in a sense) determined by biology. For example, the enterprise salesman/client relationship has many similarities to the familiar male/female dynamic, even when both actors are middle-aged men. Now imagine if they had studied this role-play of power every day since childhood.
TGGP, good point.
Immediate association: pick-up artists know well that when a girl rejects you, she often doesn’t know the true reason and has to deceive herself. You could recruit some rationalists among PUAs. They wholeheartedly share your sentiment that “rational agents must WIN”, and have accumulated many cynical but useful insights about human mating behaviour.