I can sort of focus on my attention, I think. It feels like I’m focusing on the difference between what I’m focusing on and what I’m not focusing on, or on the process of shifting attention.
If I’m supposed to be focusing on the thing doing the attention then I can’t do that. A quick attempt at focusing on the process behind choosing what to focus on failed, though I might have more success if I tried doing it for longer.
I recall a conversation about consciousness that I came out of convinced I was a p-zombie, because the description of consciousness didn’t describe anything going on in my head. I feel confused about what you’re even referring to when you say “a vivid sensation of my own presence.”
I don’t have any experience of my self as a distinct thing, though it’s possible that it’s just always there and I can’t tell it’s there because I have no concept of it not being there, if that makes sense. I haven’t meditated much, perhaps doing more will make it more distinct?
I can introspect fine usually, but the me doing the looking doesn’t feel separate from the me being looked at. When I do things, I just kind of… do them? It doesn’t feel like there’s a specific “me” doing things.