Great post. I think this form of self-sabotage is one that many analytical people don’t realize they are engaging in. As a computer programmer and a mathematician, I definitely fall into the category of analytical people.
One way I’ve managed to reduce this problem in my life comes from public speaking. When we give other speakers feedback, we always commend something they’ve done, recommend how they can improve, and finish with another commendation.
This kind of feedback is much more effective than just praise alone, which can be rejected especially in certain cultures as being unrealistic or insincere. The feedback is also more effective than pure criticism, which, as you pointed out in your post, can make the speaker hostile and therefore less likely to listen to you.
Hi