I’m a woman who dates in kink-adjacent circles, and I’m a dommy switch so I have seen a lot of subby guys’ profiles. You seem pretty normal, you seem like the sort of guy I date, down to the social awkwardness/lack of experience. I have a goddess kink so your specific fantasy is right up my alley. There are lots of women like me.
I’ve dated men who have been pretty normal but just didn’t enjoy vaginal sex, we still had sex but just not PIV. I’ve dated men with fetishes who also enjoyed sex.
If you WANT some labels, the different types of attraction might speak to you:
As you said about the painting, it may be that you are attracted to women in an aesthetic way.
The good thing about labels is that people don’t generally police them too hard because they’re never perfect; I myself identify as straight but it’s not a perfect label for me, just very very close.
If it makes you happy to call yourself asexual or demisexual or whatever, then do it, try it on. You can always change your mind later. Maybe try joining local ace groups and talking about your experience with them, or reading through relevant subreddits.
So interestingly FWIW I also don’t feel like I have a super strong desire to act out kinks with other people. I did a bit with my ex, which felt good, but generally I feel pretty satisfied keeping my kinks private and just masturbating.
What you are saying in all your comments is perfectly consistent with how I’ve heard people say about their experience as asexuals. Have a read of asexual literature, maybe post on a few asexual forums with your experiences.
At the end of the day, I am 100% sure there are people with similar experiences to you who call themselves asexual and also who call themselves allosexual (not asexual).
At the end of the days, these labels are a personal thing, like deciding how to cut your hair. There’s no right or wrong way, just what makes you feel good.
A demisexual person does not experience sexual attraction until they have formed a strong emotional connection with a prospective partner.
Hm no, this isn’t me at all. My sense of whether I’m attracted to someone or not is a pretty immediate reaction to mostly just how they look physically.
As you said about the painting, it may be that you are attracted to women in an aesthetic way.
Ah I was maybe a bit sloppy with this analogy. Like, I enjoy looking at paintings sometimes, and I enjoy looking at women I find attractive, but these experiences do not feel the same to me. Like, I’ll get a boner looking a woman I find attractive.
The analogy to paintings was just to say that like, I enjoy the experience of looking at attractive women without necessarily feeling any kind of “call to action”.
My advice is don’t stress too much about labels.
I’m a woman who dates in kink-adjacent circles, and I’m a dommy switch so I have seen a lot of subby guys’ profiles. You seem pretty normal, you seem like the sort of guy I date, down to the social awkwardness/lack of experience. I have a goddess kink so your specific fantasy is right up my alley. There are lots of women like me.
I’ve dated men who have been pretty normal but just didn’t enjoy vaginal sex, we still had sex but just not PIV. I’ve dated men with fetishes who also enjoyed sex.
If you WANT some labels, the different types of attraction might speak to you:
https://lgbtq.unc.edu/resources/exploring-identities/asexuality-attraction-and-romantic-orientation/
As you said about the painting, it may be that you are attracted to women in an aesthetic way.
The good thing about labels is that people don’t generally police them too hard because they’re never perfect; I myself identify as straight but it’s not a perfect label for me, just very very close.
If it makes you happy to call yourself asexual or demisexual or whatever, then do it, try it on. You can always change your mind later. Maybe try joining local ace groups and talking about your experience with them, or reading through relevant subreddits.
So interestingly FWIW I also don’t feel like I have a super strong desire to act out kinks with other people. I did a bit with my ex, which felt good, but generally I feel pretty satisfied keeping my kinks private and just masturbating.
What you are saying in all your comments is perfectly consistent with how I’ve heard people say about their experience as asexuals. Have a read of asexual literature, maybe post on a few asexual forums with your experiences.
At the end of the day, I am 100% sure there are people with similar experiences to you who call themselves asexual and also who call themselves allosexual (not asexual).
At the end of the days, these labels are a personal thing, like deciding how to cut your hair. There’s no right or wrong way, just what makes you feel good.
Hm no, this isn’t me at all. My sense of whether I’m attracted to someone or not is a pretty immediate reaction to mostly just how they look physically.
Ah I was maybe a bit sloppy with this analogy. Like, I enjoy looking at paintings sometimes, and I enjoy looking at women I find attractive, but these experiences do not feel the same to me. Like, I’ll get a boner looking a woman I find attractive.
The analogy to paintings was just to say that like, I enjoy the experience of looking at attractive women without necessarily feeling any kind of “call to action”.