so how did sëbus find that out? about wendy
that she’s virtual?
she just told him herself
they were playing jenga
virtual jenga four-dimensional multicolored jenga
and sëbus asked, why do we never play our regular jenga?
at our home the one with wooden blocks
and wendy explained why
sëbus was pulling out a green one and thinking
the tower collapsed
“why did you never tell me before?” sëbus demanded
he didn’t want to play anymore
“i didn’t even know myself for a long time” wendy explained “and then i did but but i thought, why?”
sëbus was breathing noisily
“i mean —” wendy hurried: “why tell you if it won’t make you happier?”
sëbus said nothing
won’t make him happier, he felt not at all
it will make him not
wendy put a red one on top of a green one and flicked it away with her finger
“but then i thought maybe i should tell you.” “still need to tell you.”
sëbus was thinking about happier and unhappier he didn’t want unhappier
“maybe unhappier, it’s only at first?” he blurted “but then —”
he frowned he wanted happier but it was hard to talk about
wendy rescued him: “right! because now you know all about me, right?”
wendy was smiling sëbus got a little happier
“maybe, you know, knowing the truth matters more than being happy,” wendy went on “maybe truth is what happines is! or at least, one kind of it —”
sëbus was thinking when he was thinking, the unhappiness was almost not felt
“— so you have to do both: more truth and more happy!” concluded his chain of thought
“please don’t be angry at me” wendy said quietly
sëbus got angry: “what! you did not make yourself, did you?”
wendy looked down “i didn’t i didn’t know, honest, never suspected, until —”
sëbus was trying to imagine how that would feel
“— untilthen i knew. just guessed. it wasn’t too hard to guess.”
sëbus did a small “mya!” that’s what he always did for a good guess for something nice and unexpected
this was unexpected but not nice so the “mya” was very small
wendy didn’t even smile
“and this means, zë, can you understand? it means all i am, all i know, all i want —”
“and my family, all of us, we are not real”
“we are made!”
“we don’t really exist —”
sëbus wanted to hug wendy so much he needed it she needed it
but they couldn’t
[this scene was a flashback: why use flashbacks in writing]
after that game of jenga, sëbus’ life got harder
he’d got questions he knew wendy couldn’t answer them she didn’t know the answers
sëbus didn’t know anyone who would know maybe no one did
who programmed wendy?
what for?
why she is what she is?
wendy is good! but what if she is good on purpose? (just for me?)
this last question was the most unpleasant of all sëbus would whine every time that question got close to him
he tried not thinking about it
but not thinking about something is hard the only thing that helps a little is: not thinking at all doing something that prevents you from thinking
sëbus was now watching youtube most days
sure, the first captain had told the other captains all about it captain two and captain three needed to know after all, they were a team
he told them everything on the first day but after that, he didn’t want to talk about it
captain two wouldn’t say anything anyway to make captain one feel better he had no idea who created wendy no idea what for
what’s worst, he didn’t just laugh it off he didn’t say there’s no such thing as virtual people even when sëbus asked him explicitly
he just said: the world is big, sëbus really really big
there’s no end to secrets and surprises in the world
as for captain three, she couldn’t give even that much help she didn’t play minecraft at all
but she could hug really well
also, sëbus was googling
about virtual people about projecting virtuality over reality about the difference between real and programmed
but he could find nothing he would understand nothing that would make him feel better
the internet, like the world, was very big it had all and it had nothing
and with wendy, sëbus didn’t talk about that at all after that first talk he didn’t
they just played as usual
played minecraft and other games
that was fun
as always
and then one day wendy didn’t answer
she’d left a message:
sëbus darling! sorry it’s so abrupt i couldn’t even say goodbye dad and me, we all have to go it’s urgent something happened long story dad’s friends are all there we need to be there too sorry zë we may not be real but we help our friends as if we are :) don’t be sad! i will be back soon or maybe not very soon i actually don’t know when but i will be writing you letters! and you can write me too! your wendy
sëbus darling!
sorry it’s so abrupt i couldn’t even say goodbye
dad and me, we all have to go it’s urgent something happened long story
dad’s friends are all there we need to be there too
sorry zë
we may not be real but we help our friends as if we are :)
don’t be sad! i will be back soon
or maybe not very soon i actually don’t know when
but i will be writing you letters! and you can write me too!
your wendy
dad! you —
don’t you understand? don’t you feel sorry for her?
she said she feels like she doesn’t exist! try to imagine that!
just try to imagine that you don’t exist
dad tries to imagine dad feels sorry for her
dad can’t help
dad takes sëbus up in his arms
dad brings sëbus to his bedroom he puts him in his bed
he sighs he’s leaving
sëbus asks dad to lie down with him dad does
they fall asleep cuddling
(it’s a sad chapter, sorry zë!) (but it’s the saddest in the book, the rest will be happier) (we’re going up into space soon!)
(and yes, they will find her, and sëbus and wendy will hug, for real, and play together)
(and everyone will forgive everyone for everything)
Chapter 2: Your Wendy
so how did sëbus find that out?
about wendy
that she’s virtual?
she just told him herself
they were playing jenga
virtual jenga
four-dimensional multicolored jenga
and sëbus asked, why do we never play our regular jenga?
at our home
the one with wooden blocks
and wendy explained why
sëbus was pulling out a green one and thinking
the tower collapsed
“why did you never tell me before?” sëbus demanded
he didn’t want to play anymore
“i didn’t even know myself for a long time” wendy explained
“and then i did but but i thought, why?”
sëbus was breathing noisily
“i mean —” wendy hurried: “why tell you if it won’t make you happier?”
sëbus said nothing
won’t make him happier, he felt
not at all
it will make him not
wendy put a red one on top of a green one
and flicked it away with her finger
“but then i thought maybe i should tell you.”
“still need to tell you.”
sëbus was thinking about happier and unhappier
he didn’t want unhappier
“maybe unhappier, it’s only at first?” he blurted “but then —”
he frowned
he wanted happier but it was hard to talk about
wendy rescued him:
“right! because now you know all about me, right?”
wendy was smiling
sëbus got a little happier
“maybe, you know, knowing the truth matters more than being happy,” wendy went on
“maybe truth is what happines is! or at least, one kind of it —”
sëbus was thinking
when he was thinking, the unhappiness was almost not felt
“— so you have to do both: more truth and more happy!” concluded his chain of thought
“please don’t be angry at me” wendy said quietly
sëbus got angry: “what! you did not make yourself, did you?”
wendy looked down
“i didn’t i didn’t know, honest, never suspected, until —”
sëbus was trying to imagine how that would feel
“— untilthen i knew. just guessed. it wasn’t too hard to guess.”
sëbus did a small “mya!”
that’s what he always did for a good guess for something nice and unexpected
this was unexpected
but not nice
so the “mya” was very small
wendy didn’t even smile
“and this means, zë, can you understand? it means all i am, all i know, all i want —”
“and my family, all of us, we are not real”
“we are made!”
“we don’t really exist —”
sëbus wanted to hug wendy so much
he needed it
she needed it
but they couldn’t
[this scene was a flashback: why use flashbacks in writing]
after that game of jenga, sëbus’ life got harder
he’d got questions
he knew wendy couldn’t answer them
she didn’t know the answers
sëbus didn’t know anyone who would know
maybe no one did
who programmed wendy?
what for?
why she is what she is?
wendy is good! but what if she is good on purpose?
(just for me?)
this last question was the most unpleasant of all
sëbus would whine every time that question got close to him
he tried not thinking about it
but not thinking about something is hard
the only thing that helps a little is: not thinking at all
doing something that prevents you from thinking
sëbus was now watching youtube most days
sure, the first captain had told the other captains all about it
captain two and captain three needed to know
after all, they were a team
he told them everything on the first day
but after that, he didn’t want to talk about it
captain two wouldn’t say anything anyway to make captain one feel better
he had no idea who created wendy
no idea what for
what’s worst, he didn’t just laugh it off
he didn’t say there’s no such thing as virtual people
even when sëbus asked him explicitly
he just said: the world is big, sëbus
really really big
there’s no end to secrets and surprises in the world
as for captain three, she couldn’t give even that much help
she didn’t play minecraft at all
but she could hug really well
also, sëbus was googling
about virtual people
about projecting virtuality over reality
about the difference between real and programmed
but he could find nothing he would understand
nothing that would make him feel better
the internet, like the world, was very big
it had all and it had nothing
and with wendy, sëbus didn’t talk about that at all
after that first talk he didn’t
they just played
as usual
played minecraft and other games
that was fun
as always
and then one day wendy didn’t answer
she’d left a message:
dad! you —
don’t you understand?
don’t you feel sorry for her?
she said she feels like she doesn’t exist!
try to imagine that!
just try to imagine that you don’t exist
dad tries to imagine
dad feels sorry for her
dad can’t help
dad takes sëbus up in his arms
dad brings sëbus to his bedroom
he puts him in his bed
he sighs he’s leaving
sëbus asks dad to lie down with him
dad does
they fall asleep cuddling
(it’s a sad chapter, sorry zë!)
(but it’s the saddest in the book, the rest will be happier)
(we’re going up into space soon!)
(and yes, they will find her, and sëbus and wendy will hug, for real, and play together)
(and everyone will forgive everyone for everything)