“I can’t personally trust that this is not frame control, so to honor myself, I need to [get out of the situation / let you know that’s my experience / etc]”.
As with anything, this can also get weaponized depending on the tone & implicature with which it’s said, but the precise meaning here points at encouraging a given person to really honor their own frame and their own experience and distrust, while not making any claims that anyone else can agree or disagree with.
Like, if I can’t trust that something isn’t functioning as frame control, then I can’t trust that. You might be able to trust that it’s fine, but that doesn’t contradict my not being able to trust that, since we’re coming from different backgrounds (this itself is pointing at respecting others frames). Then maybe you can share some evidence that will allow me to relax as well, but if you share your evidence and I’m still tense, then I’m still tense and that’s okay.
Yes. (Likewise in Malcolm culture!)
My main approach to this is to focus on honoring distrust:
As with anything, this can also get weaponized depending on the tone & implicature with which it’s said, but the precise meaning here points at encouraging a given person to really honor their own frame and their own experience and distrust, while not making any claims that anyone else can agree or disagree with.
Like, if I can’t trust that something isn’t functioning as frame control, then I can’t trust that. You might be able to trust that it’s fine, but that doesn’t contradict my not being able to trust that, since we’re coming from different backgrounds (this itself is pointing at respecting others frames). Then maybe you can share some evidence that will allow me to relax as well, but if you share your evidence and I’m still tense, then I’m still tense and that’s okay.