more importantly, both i and the other person get more out of the conversation. almost always, there are subtle misunderstandings and the rest of the conversation would otherwise involve a lot of talking past each other. you can only really make progress when you’re actually engaging with the other person’s true beliefs, rather than a misunderstanding of their beliefs.
saying “sorry, just to make sure I understand what you’re saying, do you mean [...]” more often has been very valuable
yeah, turns off the combat mode
more importantly, both i and the other person get more out of the conversation. almost always, there are subtle misunderstandings and the rest of the conversation would otherwise involve a lot of talking past each other. you can only really make progress when you’re actually engaging with the other person’s true beliefs, rather than a misunderstanding of their beliefs.