This rhymes with my experiences and thoughts. To say it another (slightly more general) way, it’s often the reactions of adults that are traumatizing well beyond anything else that happens to children (and other adults). It isn’t always the case that measured response produces a trauma-free experience, and some events tend to leave terrible scars. But where I see people bringing their own feelings into someone else’s situation is also where I see far more of lasting psychological trauma.
Parents really need to realize—or be taught—that they are exocortices for their children, one of whose primary roles is to process things that the child cannot and be a sink for big emotions, NOT a source of them. When parents push their own emotions onto a child, that invariably is traumatizing—as in the case of parentification or “emotional incest”, or narcissistic abuse, etc. This is another example of that. Arguably, telling a child they ought to feel worse about something that has happened to them is itself a form of abuse.
This rhymes with my experiences and thoughts. To say it another (slightly more general) way, it’s often the reactions of adults that are traumatizing well beyond anything else that happens to children (and other adults). It isn’t always the case that measured response produces a trauma-free experience, and some events tend to leave terrible scars. But where I see people bringing their own feelings into someone else’s situation is also where I see far more of lasting psychological trauma.
Parents really need to realize—or be taught—that they are exocortices for their children, one of whose primary roles is to process things that the child cannot and be a sink for big emotions, NOT a source of them. When parents push their own emotions onto a child, that invariably is traumatizing—as in the case of parentification or “emotional incest”, or narcissistic abuse, etc. This is another example of that. Arguably, telling a child they ought to feel worse about something that has happened to them is itself a form of abuse.