Worrying is a pattern of repetitive thoughts about possible negative future outcomes that causes the mind and body to tense up without producing meaningful, cost-effective action to mitigate risk. It’s a cause of unnecessary suffering – an impediment to our happiness and growth.
Fortunately, the habit of worrying can be unlearned using a simple procedure. However, to properly understand the procedure, there’s one concept we need to internalise first: unconditional happiness.
Embracing Unconditional Happiness
Unconditional happiness means that we don’t see our happiness as dictated by external events and outcomes. Rather, we understand that we don’t need things to be a certain way, or to go our way, to be happy. Happiness is a property of a mind that is neither tensing up against what we dislike nor wrapped up around, or feeding on, that which we like or crave.
We don’t need to believe that the quantity and quality of happiness we experience day to day is completely independent of external events – indeed, we’d be mistaken to think so. As living, thinking, and feeling beings, we necessarily respond to our environment, and sometimes our response to events in our surroundings occludes the happiness that would otherwise be available to us. Even so, our happiness cannot be taken away from us; it is only that we may temporarily lose sight of it.
The truth of unconditional happiness is usually not fully realised in a single flash of insight. Rather, it’s internalised over time through practice and repetition. Fortunately we don’t have to be all the way there to start abandoning the habit of worrying; the two practices can be pursued in parallel.
The Method
The practice of stopping worrying is quite simple. When thoughts of worry and anxiety arise, do two things:
Remind yourself that you’re already taking reasonable precautions to reduce the probability of negative outcomes and to reduce the impact of those outcomes, should they occur. (If you aren’t taking those precautions, start now.)
Remind yourself that you are not basing your happiness on any outcomes beyond your control. Whatever happens, good or bad, happiness will always be available to you.
Now that you have established that the thoughts of worry have nothing more worthwhile to say, nothing to contribute to your happiness and well-being, you can release them and allow them to fall away. Notice any tensing, any contraction of the body and the mind that the worry may be causing, and release it like you would relax a clenched fist.
If the worrying thoughts arise again, interrupt them – as many times as necessary. They’ve served their purpose and you’ve relieved them of duty. There’s a powerful phrase you can say in your mind to stop these thoughts in their tracks:
It is not me; it is not mine; it is not the self.
These words mean that you do not claim any external circumstance, any outcome beyond your control, as part of yourself, part of your identity, part of your happiness. The phrase is of Buddhist origin, but we don’t need to subscribe to any particular religion or philosophy to use it to our benefit.
As you practice this method, interrupting thoughts of worry whenever they arise, the thoughts gradually learn that they can’t provoke a reaction from you. Thus they will arise less often and with less force.
How to stop worrying
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Worrying is a pattern of repetitive thoughts about possible negative future outcomes that causes the mind and body to tense up without producing meaningful, cost-effective action to mitigate risk. It’s a cause of unnecessary suffering – an impediment to our happiness and growth.
Fortunately, the habit of worrying can be unlearned using a simple procedure. However, to properly understand the procedure, there’s one concept we need to internalise first: unconditional happiness.
Embracing Unconditional Happiness
Unconditional happiness means that we don’t see our happiness as dictated by external events and outcomes. Rather, we understand that we don’t need things to be a certain way, or to go our way, to be happy. Happiness is a property of a mind that is neither tensing up against what we dislike nor wrapped up around, or feeding on, that which we like or crave.
We don’t need to believe that the quantity and quality of happiness we experience day to day is completely independent of external events – indeed, we’d be mistaken to think so. As living, thinking, and feeling beings, we necessarily respond to our environment, and sometimes our response to events in our surroundings occludes the happiness that would otherwise be available to us. Even so, our happiness cannot be taken away from us; it is only that we may temporarily lose sight of it.
The truth of unconditional happiness is usually not fully realised in a single flash of insight. Rather, it’s internalised over time through practice and repetition. Fortunately we don’t have to be all the way there to start abandoning the habit of worrying; the two practices can be pursued in parallel.
The Method
The practice of stopping worrying is quite simple. When thoughts of worry and anxiety arise, do two things:
Remind yourself that you’re already taking reasonable precautions to reduce the probability of negative outcomes and to reduce the impact of those outcomes, should they occur. (If you aren’t taking those precautions, start now.)
Remind yourself that you are not basing your happiness on any outcomes beyond your control. Whatever happens, good or bad, happiness will always be available to you.
Now that you have established that the thoughts of worry have nothing more worthwhile to say, nothing to contribute to your happiness and well-being, you can release them and allow them to fall away. Notice any tensing, any contraction of the body and the mind that the worry may be causing, and release it like you would relax a clenched fist.
If the worrying thoughts arise again, interrupt them – as many times as necessary. They’ve served their purpose and you’ve relieved them of duty. There’s a powerful phrase you can say in your mind to stop these thoughts in their tracks:
It is not me; it is not mine; it is not the self.
These words mean that you do not claim any external circumstance, any outcome beyond your control, as part of yourself, part of your identity, part of your happiness. The phrase is of Buddhist origin, but we don’t need to subscribe to any particular religion or philosophy to use it to our benefit.
As you practice this method, interrupting thoughts of worry whenever they arise, the thoughts gradually learn that they can’t provoke a reaction from you. Thus they will arise less often and with less force.