I don’t know if this helps at all, but I believe that a large number of people sometimes feel like they are “not part of everyone” and it makes them feel bad. My main piece of evidence for this is that saying “Oh, no one has asked for that before” or “I didn’t think anyone would do that” is a tactic used by people who know they have messed something up to try and make the victim of their mess up feel like they are responsible for it. Such a tactic could only work in a world where a significant number of people felt an anxiety about being “not part of everyone”.
I think the Monty Python example is particularly informative. Lots of people actually dislike Monty Python. In my mental model their are two types of person who claim to like Monty Python; people who actually do like it and people who feel like saying they like it fits them into a particular group (something like simulacra levels)*. Someone from the former category might find it a shame that they can’t enjoy MP with you, but someone in the latter category has a much bigger problem—by being honest about your python dislike you have made their attempt at social camouflage backfire. If they say they like python and you say you don’t then on that axis (which they have already identified as important) only one of you can be a central member of the group, so it is essential to minimise the fallout from the failed signalling tactic by putting you squarely in the “other” box. I am sure it hurts, but if it helps at all remember that the person who said it probably knows exactly how these things feel and was trying to avoid it themselves.
* At university I was in a board game society. The level of self-reported passion for Lovecraft stuff was insane, and would arise without any context. The board game society obviously can’t all be into football, because that is what the mainstream people are into. So they make Lovecraft the new football. It sounds like you were in a place where they were making Monty Python the new football.
I don’t know if this helps at all, but I believe that a large number of people sometimes feel like they are “not part of everyone” and it makes them feel bad. My main piece of evidence for this is that saying “Oh, no one has asked for that before” or “I didn’t think anyone would do that” is a tactic used by people who know they have messed something up to try and make the victim of their mess up feel like they are responsible for it. Such a tactic could only work in a world where a significant number of people felt an anxiety about being “not part of everyone”.
I think the Monty Python example is particularly informative. Lots of people actually dislike Monty Python. In my mental model their are two types of person who claim to like Monty Python; people who actually do like it and people who feel like saying they like it fits them into a particular group (something like simulacra levels)*. Someone from the former category might find it a shame that they can’t enjoy MP with you, but someone in the latter category has a much bigger problem—by being honest about your python dislike you have made their attempt at social camouflage backfire. If they say they like python and you say you don’t then on that axis (which they have already identified as important) only one of you can be a central member of the group, so it is essential to minimise the fallout from the failed signalling tactic by putting you squarely in the “other” box. I am sure it hurts, but if it helps at all remember that the person who said it probably knows exactly how these things feel and was trying to avoid it themselves.
* At university I was in a board game society. The level of self-reported passion for Lovecraft stuff was insane, and would arise without any context. The board game society obviously can’t all be into football, because that is what the mainstream people are into. So they make Lovecraft the new football. It sounds like you were in a place where they were making Monty Python the new football.