Through a combination of social anxiety, low empathy, poor time management and an inability to anticipate their future selves’ behaviour, people flake on plans they have previously agreed to.
Instead of granting permission for people to tell them harsh but constructive things about their behaviours, they must either tolerate them forever, or discretely ostracise them.
What once could have been mostly addressed with a few months of uncomfortable mentoring now becomes, if they can’t solve the problem independently, a near incurable social leprosy that confines them to the outskirts of any functional community they wish to be a part of.
I think the flakiness and the disruptive behaviors may be importantly related. The less enjoyable you are to be around, the more people will flake on you. The omnipresent fog over everyone’s calendar allows plausible deniability, so that exclusion can be done less explicitly or harshly.
Having your plans with a close friend get delayed or canceled is the price of rarely having to see that other acquaintance who’s kind of offputting, without needing any uncomfortable conversations. It’s not happening consciously, but it is predictable and seemingly systematic.
I won’t say that this tradeoff is optimal. I’m just saying that the flakiness may be a load-bearing bug. Meanwhile, some places are instead known for widespread surliness and petty conflict, even between friends. On my hypothesis, that bug would be bearing the same kind of load.
The two following claims jumped out at me.
I think the flakiness and the disruptive behaviors may be importantly related. The less enjoyable you are to be around, the more people will flake on you. The omnipresent fog over everyone’s calendar allows plausible deniability, so that exclusion can be done less explicitly or harshly.
Having your plans with a close friend get delayed or canceled is the price of rarely having to see that other acquaintance who’s kind of offputting, without needing any uncomfortable conversations. It’s not happening consciously, but it is predictable and seemingly systematic.
I won’t say that this tradeoff is optimal. I’m just saying that the flakiness may be a load-bearing bug. Meanwhile, some places are instead known for widespread surliness and petty conflict, even between friends. On my hypothesis, that bug would be bearing the same kind of load.